Help, I'm Concerned!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Help, I'm Concerned!
4
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 4:44pm
Hello all! Ok, so here it is in a nutshell, me and my fiancee have been together for three years. I'm starting to worry though because we are down to having sex maybe every 2-3 weeks. We do live together now and it's kind of more like we are a married couple, but we are very much in love. I'm not as concerned about how often we have sex I guess, because sometimes I'm just not in the mood either. What concerns me is that he is tired all of the time and seems depressed at times. We are both moody, even though we don't argue that much, but I am reading in men all of these things...libido, being tired, moody can be a sign of low testostrone levels. He is only 27, can this be possible? Thanks in advance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 8:21pm

Hi nchristinzio, welcome to Sexual Health!

Just as we can guys can get depressed too. He may be worried about his job, finances or family responsibilities or it could be a medical problem. And being around each other for so long some of the initial fascination with each other may have worn off too. I wouldn’t think a 27 y/o guy would have a hormonal problem but after other causes are considered he could have tests run to see if there is an underlying medical problem. A good article about Male Sexual Problems is: http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/malesexualproblems.asp I think it can be difficult to get a guy to open up and discuss low libido, especially his own which can go to some very personal issues. I hope you find out what the problem is. Thanks for posting. Let us know what you find out, ok?

Good luck and hugs,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 10:28am
Hey Jill! and thanks for all of your help on the birth control board too! Well, we have been together for 3 years and we are also engaged to be married. He is the first person I have ever lived with, so I was always under the impression that you should have sex every week or something! And then I get paranoid because we don't. I've talked to him about it and he reassures me that it's nothing and that sometimes he is just tired. He does have a hard job, he is a laborer. Is it normal for sex to die down after being together for a while? Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:08am

>> Is it normal for sex to die down after being together for a while? <<

It certainly can be. DF often travels in his work and our sex life is always more intense when he returns. While he is home I sometimes spice things up a bit with something new to wear or think of a new place or position in which we haven't had sex to give our time together a bit of the unexpected which is always fun.

Sometimes I will initiate by having him 'help' me when I exercise by holding my legs or steadying me in a balance that I could easily do myself. That way he holds me in my tight dance clothes and smells my scent of perfume and perspiration which is usually enough to put him in the mood and he takes it from there. And, he thinks it was HIS idea! I never do that when I need serious exercise as we always get sidetracked. :) Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 11:14am
BTW, I thought that article you sent me was very informative. Thanks for that! yeah, I agree, time apart does make things steamier when you get to see the person. When we first started going out, we only saw each other on weekends, so we had sex more then. I guess after being together a while, does change things. I liked your exercise story! I'll have to try that! :)