Pain with Forplay =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Pain with Forplay =(
5
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 4:09pm
When me and my partner engage in forplay, after a short time I start to hurt, sometimes it just feels like I'm raw and other times it's more like it's a deeper pain. I can't really describe it but I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could help me? To explain a little more about me and my boyfriend; we have been together 2 years come September 8th and he is still a virgin, we are waiting for the right time to make love. I'm not sure if he is scared or just stressed out cause we have been going through a lot with money problems, and car issues. I would greatly appriciate any help I can get!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:06pm

Hi angel18lazy, welcome!

>> When me and my partner engage in forplay, after a short time I start to hurt, sometimes it just feels like I'm raw and other times it's more like it's a deeper pain. I can't really describe it but I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could help me? <<

What sort of foreplay are you having and where is it that you hurt? Is it around you clitoris, labia, vagina or breasts? If you aren’t aroused and lubricated naturally (which is very difficult to do if you are hurting) are you using plenty of artificial lube like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid? There is no such thing as too much lube during foreplay and penetrative sex. If he is fingering you, are your bf’s hands clean and is the skin on his fingers smooth? Can you masturbate and pleasure yourself with out hurting? If you can and haven’t already done so you need to show him what you like and how to touch you gently so it feels good rather than hurts.

Guys aren’t mind readers and if you both are inexperienced he isn’t going to know what you like unless you tell him. If you haven’t masturbated before you should start so you know what makes you feel good, so you can show him. And you need to do it before you begin to associate pain with sex. If that happens then you have another problem to get past. Let us know what you are doing, or want to do and perhaps I can be more specific, ok? Thanks for posting. You’ll let me know, right?

Take care,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 2:30am

I'm not sure of the correct terminology of the type of foreplay we engage in, so do forgive me. The majority of foreplay that we engage in is, he goes down on me and fingers me. He also kisses me all over but there again after a short time I start to hurt where he kisses me. I'm not sure if it is because I have sensitive skin or if there is a more serious problem. As far as my vaginal region is concerned it goes all the way from external pain to internal pain. It isn't in any particular area.
We have experimented with many types of lube, some work better than others, but in the end it always hurts. We do try to use better quality lubes such as KY but in the end it still hurts. We have also tried warming liquid but that just made things worse. We are currently using Extreme Glide.
When we first started with foreplay, his job at the time did not require hard labor for which his hands were very smooth, and even then it hurt.
For some odd reason I have a difficult time masturbating but am able to do so but of course, after a while, it begins to hurt. It also doesn't feel very good when it doesn't hurt.
As far as experience is concerned, I'm quite experienced, but even though he is not, I have shown him what I like, and he performs well.
Thank you for your help!

~Marquita

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 7:24am

Hi Marquita, welcome back!

Have you experienced this physical discomfort with other men? Has the problem started recently? If it has then you might think back about any diet changes or starting/stopping any medicines, supplements or skin care products that could be causing you to be tender to the touch. If it is uncomfortable when he kisses you all over and even when you masturbate by yourself and there is no lifestyle or other change that occurred about the same time you might want to consult your doctor and see what advice s/he has to offer. I hope you find out what’s wrong. Let us know how you’re doing.

Good luck and hugs,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 1:53pm

>>Well it started when I was with another man about three years ago and just has been getting worse since then. I also forgot to mention one reason my breasts hurt, I have bilateral fibrocystic disease. I found out about it about a year and half ago. As far as I can remember my diet has never changed dramatically. I know that I don't eat right. I know that I need to go to the doctor but I was hoping that I could find some answers before I did, because I don't have health insurance and I know how expensive going can be. Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Marquita

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 4:36pm

Hi Marquita, welcome back!

Caffeine can interact with estrogen to increase the sensitivity of your breasts so if you are drinking caffeinated sodas and coffee or eating chocolate ands lots of other things with caffeine in them that could be contributing to your discomfort.

I know what you mean about doctors being expensive. To minimize the cost you could go to your local public health clinic or to a Planned Parenthood health center near you. PP has an income adjusted scale of prices if you qualify. To find a PP health center near you call: 1-800-230-PLAN. I hope you can find out what’s wrong and that you will be feeling lots better soon! Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Hugs,

      Jill