period after sex...so embarassed

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
period after sex...so embarassed
7
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:05am

Oh my gosh! I've been seeing this guy for a little more than 2 months now and have been dying to have sex with him. Got my period 8 days ago and it ended yesterday. Nothing so I figured it was ok to go ahead with sex (for the first time with him).

We moved to the bedroom had great sex (with condom) and then he sat up and looked at my legs and the comforter and freaked out. My period had started AGAIN. I am so totally humiliated. He jumped off the bed, sprayed everything and ran to do laundry.

Is this normal? Should I have waited longer to have sex after my period? He was very comforting afterward. Truth is I can't wait to sleep with him again but am afraid of what will happen and if he'll be able to enjoy it again with me.

Ugh!!! What next?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:13pm

Hi irishgerman, welcome!

Awww Hon! What a surprise! I'm glad he was supportive, which was a good sign.

It is not unusual for women to bleed during intercourse a day or two either side of her period. I think this is because uterine contractions during arousal and orgasm can cause unstable endometrium to begin to shed. Since you are new to the patch it might also be that your body is still adjusting to the hormones which caused some instability.

I know you didn't expect the return of Aunt Flo so soon, but if similar timing occurs again you might want to try Instead menstrual cups www.softcup.com. Instead doesn't work for everyone but a lot of members have had good luck with them collecting their flow during intercourse. Thanks for posting. Let us know how you're doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 6:57pm

Hi Jill,

Thanks for the info. Good news is that he checked in with me today. Bad news is that I'm still experiencing intermittent bleeding. That makes it 10 days now. Will this ever end? I have an appointment with my doctor next week.

I have tried Instead and just couldn't get it to work for me. I'm going to ask the doc about birth control options that completely stop my period. I can't go through this again.

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 9:55pm

>>I'm going to ask the doc about birth control options that completely stop my period.<<

You realize that you need to give any hormonal method of contraception at least 3 cycles for your body to adjust to the hormones, right? Otherwise you won't know if that method would have worked for you.

There is Depo-Provera, some women have good luck with it but Depo can have some very harsh side effects and has been proven to cause weight gain. It can also result in irreversible loss of bone density if used for more than 2 years.

The progestin-only-pill (POP or mini-pill) can minimize bleeding but irregular bleeding is very common and it is difficult to take correctly. It is taken continuously, here is no hormone free interval, and the window of time for taking it on-time is very narrow, +/-30 minutes of your regular pill time.

The Mirena IUD continuously releases a tiny bit of progestin, is very low maintenance, very effective, and lasts for 5 years. After an adjustment period Mirena usually shortens and lightens users periods and in some cases stops them completely. Some doctors won't insert an IUD for women who have not had children but you can probably find a doctor who will. It's important that an IUD user be in a stable relationship as women with multiple partners are at a greater risk of infections that could decrease their fertility.

Or, once you find a combined (estrogen/progestin) method that works well for you, you could try taking multiple packs in a back-to-back without a placebo week for your period.

Thanks for posting. Let us know what you decide, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:26am

An update...

After 8 days of spotting I went to the doctor for an exam. Turns out that he tore my vaginal wall. Just my luck! The doctor said it's nothing to be concerned about and that it should have healed by now but may take another 5-7 days. Figures! Well at least I know that there is a medical reason and it's really not my period causing the problem.

Thanks so much for your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 12:56pm

Hi irishngerman, welcome back!

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you found out what was wrong! Be sure to watch out for his fingernails next time.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing, ok?

Hugs,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:49pm

Actually it is tearing on the inside vaginal wall related to penetration. I talked to the doctor about it but I don't totally understand. She said it was about a 3 inch tear and that it will heal in 5-7 days. Will this happen every time? I also don't understand what I can do to prevent this from happening again.

I discussed it with the boyfriend tonight. He was so totally freaked out because he thinks that he really hurt me. I mean, he did but it wasn't like it was intentional and it's not like I have pain. He kept asking why I didn't tell him it hurt and I told him that I honestly didn't feel a thing and had no reason or clue to suspect this might be the problem.

He ended up leaving because he was a little upset. Gosh I feel so bad. He's a great guy. He still wants to stick around. Honestly I don't know why. I mean I do but really what guy new in a relationship wouldn't bolt? He must be my prince charming to keep coming back.

Aside from the medical questions, what can I do to soothe his fears?

Thanks so much. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 4:04pm

>>Actually it is tearing on the inside vaginal wall related to penetration. I talked to the doctor about it but I don't totally understand. She said it was about a 3 inch tear and that it will heal in 5-7 days. <<

Was your new BF your first sexual partner and if not did you have bleeding problems with earlier partners?

Women usually need way more foreplay to become aroused and produce natural lubricant that guys do. He was in a condom, which with a new partner was absolutely the right thing to do but condoms do trap the guy’s natural lube. If he is very large or the condom wasn’t lubricated and you were dry that could explain your tearing. If you are aroused and wet with your natural lube or a good commercial intimate lube like Astroglide that should lessen your chances of having another tear.

Vaginal tissue is delicate so if you were very dry the friction from a condom could have torn you and the blood from the tear would act as a lube to some extent, but I would think you would have had burning or pain from the tear.

>>Will this happen every time? I also don't understand what I can do to prevent this from happening again. <<

You have had a pelvic and your anatomy is normal so penetration shouldn’t be a problem… Is that right? If that is correct I think it must have something to do with you not being wet enough so that the friction tore you. I’m thinking you need enough foreplay so that you become very wet or use an intimate lube to make sure you minimize the possibility of friction and tearing. What works for me is making a game of coating my guy’s sheathed penis with lube just before penetration while telling him how wonderful he looks and feels. Since it’s taken a bit longer for you to heal than your doctor originally thought you might want to give yourself even a few more days and then begin again slowly being sure you are very well lubed at penetration. Usually if you are dry you will feel some discomfort. If that happens you need to stop briefly and apply more lube. Or, you may want to stop several times and check the lube situation if you can’t tell otherwise.

>>Gosh I feel so bad. He's a great guy. He still wants to stick around. Honestly I don't know why. I mean I do but really what guy new in a relationship wouldn't bolt? He must be my prince charming to keep coming back. <<

You shouldn’t feel bad. Sex with a new partner is always a learning experience. I can understand him being upset since he inadvertently hurt someone he cares about. I’m so glad you both like each other and you are seeing him again.

>>Aside from the medical questions, what can I do to soothe his fears?<<

What has worked for me is to let the guy know that I like him and that getting to know one another sexually is an adventure I would like to continue to share with him. Tell him and show him what turn you on and give him plenty of practice. Ok?

Thanks for the update. I’m glad you are healing well. Please come back and let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill