my fiance gets nervous in bed

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
my fiance gets nervous in bed
1
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:02pm

My fiance and I haven't been able to have sex for over a month. The last couple of times we did have sex, he "finished too fast". I was fine with it, because I just love being with him. He however, took it really bad and now he hasn't been able to keep an erection with me to have sex. He can masturbate by himself, no problem, apparently. He's okay to have oral sex, but there hasn't been any intercourse. We recently got engaged (after this problem started), and I asked him if this could be the reason he's having this problem. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that it didn't have anything to do with our engagement. He says that, when we're ready to have sex, he gets so nervous about something bad happening (going soft, finishing too fast), because he remembers the times that it has happened, that he loses whatever erection he had. I guess my question is:

What can I do or say to ease him of his nervousness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 1:02pm

Hi engagedgal2005, welcome!

Congratulations on your engagement!

I think most guys will experience occasional instances of being unable to perform sexually and there are treatments for premature ejaculation (having him pause when he feels like he is approaching climax or there are even medicines he can take) if that becomes a chronic problem.

A good source for information about male sexual problems is: Male sexual dysfunction: http://search.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/query?DISAMBIGUATION=true&FUNCTION=search&SERVER2=server2&SERVER1=server1&PARAMETER=male+sexual+dysfunction&x=71&y=8

And another is Male sexual problems: http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/malesexualproblems.asp

Thanks for posting. Let us know how the two of you are doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill