sex is too painful!! :(
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| Sun, 09-25-2005 - 5:01pm |
Hey! I've been reading a lot of the posts on here and though a lot of them sound similar, none seem to fit my problem exactly.
My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about two or three months now and though it feels great at times, it's mostly just pain. It hurts way to badly for him to penetrate! I dont see how it could be dryness because he's great with foreplay and likes spending a lot of time on that so I end up pretty wet after all that, but it still feels really raw and extremely irritating. It has felt this way right from the beginning so I'm not even sure what sex feels like when it's supposed to feel good. It's starting to hurt so badly that I end up crying or asking him to stop which I really hate to do to him even if he does understand. If I ask him to stop, he then usually moves on to trying to use his finger which ends up hurting just as badly. Is there such thing as his penis being too big? There are no tears or itchyness or anything like that, just the pain. I thought at first that it was just me stretching and that I would get used to it (as most other women have mentioned) but it seems to be getting worse and I'm not sure what to do about it. How long is it supposed to be before it stops hurting to have sex for people that are new to it anyways? I have yet to visit my doctor about it due to nervousness.
As far as birth control goes, I am using Marvelon. I've read on these message boards that if it is dryness, I just may need to get a birth control with a higher estrogen dose, but I used to be on one of those and it didnt seem to be doing much of anything since I was still getting my period midway through each month when I was supposed to be getting it closer to the beginning.
Thanks so much for all your help!
Dayna

Hi Dayna, welcome!
>>I have been having sex for about two or three months now and though it feels great at times, it's mostly just pain. It hurts way to badly for him to penetrate! I dont see how it could be dryness because he's great with foreplay and likes spending a lot of time on that so I end up pretty wet after all that, but it still feels really raw and extremely irritating.<<
Hon, I'm so sorry you are hurting... Intercourse isn't supposed to hurt! Have you had a recent pelvic exam to make sure that everything is ok? If not it would be a very good idea to schedule your annual exam soon. You should have one to make sure you are healthy and, since you are now sexually active, as a baseline for future exams. As far as being wet is concerned, as long as you are still hurting more lubricant isn't going to help much so you need to give yourself some time to heal. Once you're healed you could try a good intimate lube like Astroglide (my fave.) or Slippery Stuff or K-Y Liquid and use lots and lots of it!
>>I am using Marvelon. I've read on these message boards that if it is dryness, I just may need to get a birth control with a higher estrogen dose, but I used to be on one of those and it didnt seem to be doing much of anything... <<
Desogen / Marvelon is a good pill but it may not be the right one for you. Each woman is different so what works well for one of us may be a nightmare for her best friend. I think that equally if not more important than the estrogen is the progestin that it is paired with. You need to discuss your problem with your doctor and see what s/he recommends.
>>If I ask him to stop, he then usually moves on to trying to use his finger which ends up hurting just as badly. Is there such thing as his penis being too big? There are no tears or itchyness or anything like that, just the pain.<<
If you have friction tears they can be raw and very painful without much bleeding and after you are raw it doesn't matter what you are penetrated with, it still hurts. Have you ever used a dildo or anything to penetrate yourself before you had intercourse with your bf, and if so did it hurt then? If you have always had pain regardless of how gently and well lubed you were when you penetrated yourself you could have another (fairly rare) problem, Vulvodynia. A good source for information on female sexual dysfunction and Vulvodynia is: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/femalesexualdysfunction.html .
I think what you really need to do is see your doctor right away and find out for sure what the problem is. The longer you put it off the more likely it is that you will come to associate pain with sexual intercourse and be turned off by even the thought of sex.
I think, if your anatomy will allow penetration, you probably only have a lubrication problem. I hope your doctor finds out what is wrong. Let us know what s/he says and how you’re doing, ok?
Good luck and (((Hugs))),
Jill