Pain during and after sex
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| Wed, 10-12-2005 - 3:23pm |
Hi! I've seen several other posts that are similar to this, but they don't seem to quite capture my situation. I had sex for the very first time about a month ago, and I expected it to be painful or uncomfortable - but I was in no way prepared for just how painful it was. My bf's penis is on the larger side, so I thought at first it was just a matter of needing to become accustomed to that, but the pain is not going away. While he is thrusting (slowly or quickly, it doesn't matter) there are sharp pains every time - when he goes deeper it gets worse. At times he has just stayed still within me and that doesn't feel so bad, but I've gotten to the point where I tense up every time we even come close to penetration - which I'm sure makes it worse. I'm always sore afterwards - sometimes for several days, and usually there is some light bleeding/spotting. We had sex twice last night and right now I'm squirming in my chair because of the soreness and pain. Two things I've noticed just recently - I have an increased urge to urinate (not just before, during, and after sex, but all the time - which is new since we began having sex), and last night, while he was inside of me I tried some Kegels but I could not feel him when I tensed up - at least not with those muscles. He was definitely inside of me, but I could not feel him while doing the Kegels. It was like he had penetrated the wrong place - if that makes any sense. The pain and tenderness I feel is definitely closer to where I urinate than to where my vaginal opening is. We were both virgins before this, so is it possible that we are just offcourse a bit? I've had regular pap smears for the past several years, and the exams, while uncomfortable, never brought on the pain or tenderness that intercourse does - and seemed to feel now almost pleasurable in relation to my current situation. I'm not sure what is going on - I've masturbated for several years, using fingers and dildos with penetration, but have never experienced pain like this. Does anyone have any ideas? Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Hi h2l2b2
>>I had sex for the very first time about a month ago, and I expected it to be painful or uncomfortable - but I was in no way prepared for just how painful it was. … I'm always sore afterwards - sometimes for several days, and usually there is some light bleeding/spotting.<<
Penetrative sex shouldn’t hurt. Since you have been having annual pelvic exams and you have used dildos before with no discomfort I’m assuming that you have no physical reasons, your hymen or polyps in your vagina etc that might be the problem. It sounds to me as though you are not well lubricated and the friction of his penetration and thrusting is making you raw.
We take a lot more foreplay than guys to become aroused and well lubricated so you might want to see if more foreplay will help. If you are having problems becoming well lubricated, which can happen as a side effect of hormonal contraceptives for some women, you can use a good intimate lube like Astroglide, Slippery Stuff or K-Y Liquid and don’t be afraid to use lots of it. My fave is Astroglide and it works wonders for me when I’m dry.
Or, if you don’t have a lubrication problem and are using condoms you might be allergic to the spermicide (if they are coated) or the latex if they aren’t. Being allergic to spermicide is fairly common and having a latex allergy is becoming more common as well. You could try using condoms that aren’t coated with spermicide or polyurethane condoms instead of latex and see if that helps.
>>I've noticed just recently - I have an increased urge to urinate (not just before, during, and after sex, but all the time - which is new since we began having sex), <<
Burning and the urge to urinate frequently are symptoms of a urinary tract infection or UTI. UTIs are often caused by bacteria being forced into the urethra during intercourse. To minimize the possibility of getting a UTI you should urinate immediately after intercourse to flush any bacteria from your urethra. You will need to see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis and treatment. UTIs are easily treated but they can develop over time into more serious problems so you should see your doctor as soon as you can. A good article on UTIs is: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000521.htm
If you are on hormonal contraceptives and your doctor prescribes an antibiotic for your UTI you should use another effective form of birth control while you are on your medicine and continue with back-up after the last dose until you have taken at least 7 active pills in a row. That is because some antibiotics can reduce the effectiveness of some hormonal contraceptives for some women and there is no way to know ahead of time who they will be.
If you have more questions, please ask. I hope you are feeling much better soon. Let us know what your doctor says and how you’re doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill