Uncomfortable with Husbands fantasy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Uncomfortable with Husbands fantasy
3
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 2:19pm

Hi Everyone,

I've been married to my husband for sixteen yrs and his number one fantasy is to have anal sex. He doesn't pressure me but every once in a while he will bring it up. How do I get through to him that I have no interest in this kinda sex? he says that until I try it how do I know I may not like it? I tell him, that its just something I will never do. Has anyone gone through this with their mate? and how do you get them to stop trying to make you do something you have no interest on, any advice would be grateful. Thanks

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 4:02pm

Hi Cathy, welcome!

The good news is that he isn't pressuring you to have anal sex. If he has been periodically bringing up the subject there may not be a way to get him to stop wanting it, or at least one you are willing to try. I think you should just continue to refuse if that is the way you feel about it.

You could try talking with him to find out what he thinks he will get out of the experience. Does he think you will be tighter or does he just wants to be in your intestinal tract or what? If he can verbalize his reason(s) some of them you may be able to accommodate, but in a different manner. For example, if he thinks your anus will be tighter you could do Kegel exercises over a period of months to tone up your vaginal muscles.

I had a somewhat similar situation recently, and handled it differently. I've been with DF for almost 5 years and he became very insistent that we try anal. I had never done that and had no interest in trying it, but I finally agreed. I got him to admit that he just wanted to see what it felt like. I told him before we began that I could do far more for him in my vagina than he would ever get from having anal. Afterward he admitted that the experience wasn't at all what he expected and he is now very happy with penile-vaginal-intercourse. I called him Captain Kirk "Going where no man had gone before" for a week and he blushed every time.

The problem with you trying my solution is that it would go against your values and that your DH might enjoy it and if he did you would have lost your position (as being opposed to anal on principal) and because you had given in once he would be more insistent on you doing it again.

I think you should just stick to your guns and continue to refuse, but you might see if there is another of his fantasies that you can participate in to ease his disappointment. I'm sorry I have no better advice for you.

Thanks for posting. If you have more questions please ask. Let us know how you're doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 4:12pm
Thankyou so much Jill, you brought a good point.
hugs
Cathy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 8:45pm

I think it's GREAT advise Jill and I completely agree!


Hugs!






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