New relationship so different from past

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
New relationship so different from past
6
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 11:02am

Hi;
I need some help.. I have started in a new relationship which is very different from past relationships. My past sexual relationships have been about intercourse and this new amazing man in my life is completely the opposite. In short the other night he said "its all about you". I have little or no experience with oral sex except when I was around 16 or 17 and made it me ill, and since then I have been too afraid to attempt performing on any of my boyfriends. I have told him about it, and he seems to be understanding. I am so nervous in bed now, but he says we'll take it slow and only go where I am comfortable. That is the problem nothing seems comfortable now, and I am freaking out. We are taking our relationship very slow for many reasons which are not sexually related, and we have not had sex yet which I am very happy about. It's not just fear I have in the bedroom, its the feeling of silliness, shyness, nervousness, embarrassment and so many other feelings. I know I should feel this way but I don't know what to do.

Please help me get over this hump.

Tx

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 1:06pm

Hi helpcuddlebear, welcome!

Good for you! Having a new guy can be so exciting! A new relationship can take some getting used to and I think that's all that is going on right now with your feelings of shyness, nervousness, embarrassment etc. If I were you I wouldn't try to rush things along, just enjoy him and let your confidence build and feelings evolve as the two of you spend more time together.

While you are learning more about each other in non-sexual ways this would be a great time for both of you to be tested for STDs because, from an infection standpoint, with any form of sexual intimacy (including oral) you will be having sex with all your new guy's previous partners. Then, before you are ready for sexual intimacy you will have put your mind at ease by knowing for sure what the situation is and what protection you will need.

Thanks for posting. If you have more questions, please ask. Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 3:44pm

HI;

Thanks for your reply, I am not sure I got what I am looking for from it though.

When I said we were not sexually active I only meant "sexual intercourse" itself. We are orally sexually active (I am 30, I know about STDs, I know the precautions and protections, and I take them very seriously). What I am having problems with is that oral sex. Not having done it in previous relationship that is where all my feeling are coming out. I have always had it performed on me but most of my boyfriends have never ask me to perform it on them. I really just don't know how to handle it now. He's very understanding from what I can tell but that doesn't make it easier for me. I need to know what to do so I can pleasure him as much as he does me. I have to admit in my 14 years of sexual activity I have been the one who has not put much into the relationship but with the new guy (he's 5 years older) I really want to experiment and go the extra mile. We are both at a place in our life that could be life long partners, and I would hate that my fears would cause this part of our relationship to go sour when everything else so far is flourishing. if you have any tips on how to get over this I'd appreciate it.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 6:01pm

Hi helpcuddlebear, welcome back,

Good communication is a big part of sexual intimacy and sometimes takes a while to establish that in a new relationship Just as all women are different so are all men and what drives one guy wild might wilt Willie for another. In a new relationship especially since your partner knows you are fairly new to fellatio he should be able to guide you as to what he enjoys and offer suggestions about what he would like you to do. If he doesn’t then you should take the initiative and ask what turns him on. For me learning what a guy likes is one of the pleasures of a new relationship and of course the more we practice the better I get to know him.

I can drive my guy up the wall by licking the underside of his shaft and his frenulum and underside of his glans http://www.foreskin.org/frenulum.htm but I have to be very, very gentle when I fondle his testicles. He also likes me to swallow which I don’t mind but he tastes better if he hasn’t eaten red meat or a spicy meal earlier. For a good article about Fellatio see: http://www.sexhealth.org/bettersex/fellatio.shtml

For more personal input about fellatio techniques you might want to post your question on the iVillage Let’s Talk About Sex board at: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&nav=start

I hope this helps. If you have more questions please ask. Come back and let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 7:57pm

Hey cuddlebear :)


Many woman feel insecure about the thought of performing oral sex on their man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:08pm

Thank you;

I really appreciate the tips. I am going to combat this fear, but like you suggested I am going to talk to him. He's a great guy and about the only guy I have ever been able to have a serious talk with. Thanks for the website as well, I'll check them out.

thanks, I'll be back I'm sure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 10:11pm

Thanks for the tips cl-kimi4266;

I am definately going to try that going little bits at the time. I am sure my man will be ok with it, and hopefully I will see that it isn't as bad as I have created it to be in my head. I'm definitly going to talk to him about all this before hand so he knows where I stand and that I really do want to pleasure him as much as he does me.

Thank you for the stories and the encouragement.