really concerned
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really concerned
| Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:51pm |
To get to the point, I have not experienced an orgasm with my boyfriend. I have commited the sex sin of faking every orgasm since we became sexually active because he has done everything I could ever dream of. I also have difficulty experiencing an orgasm with manual masturbation, but I have no problem experiencing them with a vibrator. What can I do to help increase the chances of an orgasm with my boyfriend, or by myself without needing the vibe?

I don't have a lot of advise because you say your boyfriend has tried everything you can think of to try to help.
Hi Luna0713,
I agree with Kimi. Women usually take much longer to become aroused than do men. And I think that for many couples reaching orgasm for the women just from her partner's position and thrusts is not all that common. I think it may happen about 20% of the time, rather than what you see in films or videos. So, I think it's almost normal not to orgasm from your partner's thrusts alone. You or he will have to caress your clitoris and that easiest when you are on top or penetrated from behind.
Before you met your current partner could you reach orgasm with other partners or through masturbation? Or, are you fairly new to discovering your own sexuality and being with a sexual partner? And, how gentle, considerate and sexually experienced is your current partner?
Are you on hormonal contraceptives, antidepressants or other meds that might decrease your libido? Decreased libido is a very common side effect of being on BCPs. If BCPs are the problem you could ask to be switched to a pill with a different progestin or use another non-hormonal method. When I switched from OTC to a cervical cap my libido came roaring back within 2 weeks. And, when I was on Zoloft (and not on BCPs) it took me longer to become aroused but it extended the duration of the afterglow from orgasm unbelievably! I would float for hours afterward! :)
Are you into fantasies or having sex in unusual places? Unusual situations, costumes and fantasy partners turn me on and make it much easier for me to climax so you might want to try that. If you aren't already familiar with the site there may be some information on The Clitoris.com http://www.the-clitoris.com/ . Take a look at the sections on orgasm, fantasy and masturbation. Keep in touch and let us know how you’re doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
I want to thank everyone so much for their responses!!!! I guess I am not as aroused as I think I am. My current partner is heavy into foreplay, I mean the hugging, kissing, petting, massaging.
He always performs oral sex on me before intercourse and will not stop unless I have had at least one orgasm, which never happens and so I fake one. A few times he was there for more than 15 minutes, because I really wanted one and I finally gave up. I could see it left him exhausted, but he is so happy to do it, and he feels so much pride in having given me pleasure. He wants me to be very verbal about what I would like during intercourse, and I try to, but I sometimes feel like it interrupts the love making. We have tried many positions, none of which have worked for me and he can go for almost 10 minutes non-stop (I am not sure if this is too little time or not, but it's a lot more than what I was used too).
Now in regards to my ex, he was selfish -------severely. He would not go down on me. If he were racing against the time it takes to say the phrase "wam bam thank you ma'am", you would only get out the word "wam" and he would have already cum. And he didn't even care how that made me feel. That relationship was 9 yrs ago and I did not date or have a sexual partner for 8 years, till I met my current boyfriend.
I orgasmed regularly by manual masturbation during my teens and during the time I dated my ex. Then afterwards, throughout the years, I orgasmed less and less and it took longer and longer to reach orgasm, so I got a vibrator and now that is the only way I orgasm.
I have not been on any medication, birth control, antidepressants or anything.
I recently went to a sex shop and bought a sexual enhancement cream for women. It is said to work by increasing the blood flow to the clitoris, which then should increase chances of orgasm. I tried it while masturbating manually and it didn't work for me either. I feel like I am running out of options.
About my sexuality, my current boyfriend is my 2nd sexual partner, and considering my first sexual partner I would say I am a beginner at sexual relationships, but I am not sure whether I am a newbie to my own sexuality.
I am so appreciative of all the suggestions; I will definitely look into the web site and maybe seeing an OB/Gyn.
Hi luna0713, welcome back!
I think discussing your situation with your doctor would be a good next step. Stress and now possibly performance anxiety might be interfering with you moving easily to orgasm so a session or two with a good sex therapist might help.
Thanks for the update. Let us know what your doctor says and how you're doing.
Good luck and (((hugs)))
Jill