fear and crying during sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
fear and crying during sex
2
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 5:41am
most of the cases that i've read about have been of woman who cry during or directly after orgasm. in which case she's generally told that it's perfectly normal and healthy and sent on her way. my problem is that i don't ever get that far. whenever i get anywhere near orgasm one of two things happen: i either a.) shut down completely, where nothing feels good anymore, and i'm just trying to finish for my partner's sake, or b.) i start crying and am overcome with fear. i shake and either try to pull out my hair or press the palms of my hands into my eyes, hard.
when i try to masturbate, i get to the point of climax and then just... stop. i just shut down and no longer wish to continue.
this just doesn't seem like a normal healthy release of emotion to me. i've always been this way and i don't know why. everyone i talk to says it sounds like i've been abused, but for the life of me of have no memory of anything like that.
please, i would appreciate any advice. i don't even like thinking about sex, it's not something that i'm able to enjoy, but i have desires like anyone else. it's extremely frustrating to both me and my partner. i can count on one hand the number of sexual encounters that i've had that i was able to enjoy at all; let alone be able to get through without intense feelings of fear and uncontollable crying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 12:09pm

Hi danni_renee, welcome!

I’m sorry you are having such an unpleasant time with sex.. I think you would benefit from seeing a professional sex therapist to find out what is causing your feelings and to help you to have a normal sex life. A brief article about Sexual fear and aversion is: http://www.sexwithoutpain.com/sexual_aversion,_phobia_or_fear.htm Your regular doctor should be able to direct you to a specialist.

Thanks for stopping by to post. Please let us know what you’re therapist says and how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck and hugs,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 11:38pm
My best advice is counseling--I am going through something similar...though the crying and awful feelings during sex began lately. I have always had certain "hang-ups"...and in the back of my mind there have been questions for many years about whether or not I was sexually abused, because I have no real memories. I saw my therapist for the first time today and told her many of the things I have been trying to "investigate"...things from my childhood pointing to lack of boundaries, messed up "roles" in the family--things like that...not to mention that my father is an alcoholic.
Anyhow, it's definately something you should look into...even though the thought can be very scary. I have learned that no matter how you try to "hold" these feelings down, they usually keep coming back :(