Looking for a Reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Looking for a Reason
4
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 3:04pm

I'm in a serious relationship with someone and for the most part our sex lives are great and I really enjoy it. The problem is that very often now at the beginning I can be really tight and it doesn't always feel good. It's not because I'm not aroused, and we use lots of lubricant and he tends to finger me before. The problem is, sometimes I'm still tight and I worry about it before we have sex and I'm wondering if that just makes me tighter. I didn't use to have this problem and i think its gotten worse because I always worry about it right before we have sex and although I really want to, I'm afraid I'll be tight and consequently I am. However, after starting I loosen up with 10 or 15 seconds but it can leave me feeling sore if I'm too tight at the start.
Am I right, is it because I worry and need to relax more or could there be another reason.
If that is the case, is there any tips on how I can relax more because I tend to think "Am I relaxed, and I relaxing? Oh gosh I don't think Im relaxed enough, its going to hurt."

Its a shame because I really really enjoy sex and its starting to put me off.
I couldn't find any other mentions of this so is there anyone who can help?

p.s. I lost my virginity about 7 months ago and we've been having sex on a regular basis for the last four months so it can't be that

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:04pm

Hi finny :)


Yup, you probably already have the answer to your own question.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:44pm

Hi

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:32pm
This might seem like a strange suggestion but try being blindfolded. This might help because if you are not sure the moment you will go from foreplay to actual penatration you may not tense up as much in that moment. If you get use to not tensing up in the moment before penatration I think it will calm your worries about it, then you can forget the blindfold... unless you find you enjoy it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 11:45am
Thank you very much for the responses and the advice. I'll keep them in mind and try them out when I'm back with my boyfriend since for the moment we're stuck in serepate countries for a few weeks!