Suggestions for dealing with ED
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| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 10:10am |
I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now. We're neighbours and we see each other almost every day so I feel very comfortable with him and I imagine he's comfortable with me too.
However, he has a lot of trouble maintaining an erection. We'll start having intercourse, but a few seconds into it, he'll fall out and won't be hard enough to continue. The problem's been there since the beginning, but has just been getting worse and worse.
I suggested he see his doctor, but he says it won't be of much help because it's not a physical problem (he wakes up with an erection and can masturbate) and he's only 26 so he's too young for Viagra or similar medication. He's not on any type of medication, doesn't drink regularily or do any drugs. He does drink a lot of coffee, though, which can affect blood flow. Could that contribute?
He's said it's happened a few times in the past but never to this extent. It's hard to gage if it's a reoccuring thing because he's only had one partner before me and the relationship was stormy at best so sex was a rare occurance.
I'm at a loss about how to solve this problem. I do what I can to be encouraging but so far it hasn't been working. I know that some of the causes lie in the stress he faces at school and in the fact that his previous relationships have been very unpleasant. However, the stress from school is only going to get worse and there's nothing he can do about his bad past experiences.
We tried watching porn together, but it did more for me than it did for him. Besides, he says he's very aroused during sex and foreplay, only that his genitals refuse to coorporate. I suggested we try more often, but he says that the commulative failures are just making it worse.
I'm running out of ideas =(

Hi arraicha, welcome!
Jill
Thanks for the quick reply!
The article was very useful and covered a lot more aspects of the situation than the others I've read.
I'll suggest again he see his doctor. The supper bet is a really good idea, I'll definitely try that! ;-)
Thanks again!
Hello Arraicha,
See my post topic "my boyfriend has trouble climaxing" - my guy had the same problem. Arousal came easily, but he couldn't maintain his erection. This was some times tied to a bit too much alcohol, but he readily admitted it was stress about his performance: would he be able to maintain his erection, satisfy me and complete the act of intercourse?
Luckily, he was very open to seeing his doctor who said that my guy's problem was most likely stress, partially the result of being in a not-so-great relationship prior to me (so he had some baggage coming along, a great deal of it around an unsatisfying sex life). His doctor gave him sample packs of Viagra and Cialis, and they've worked great. We've also had some better-than-I-ever-expected experiences without the chemical intervention as we've become closer as a couple, and more comfortable with each other sexually.
Good luck - being supportive went a long way for me, and I'm sure it will for you as well.