Is my husband gay? HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Is my husband gay? HELP!
4
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 10:52pm

I'm desperate for help right now and feeling extremely sick to my stomach. I can't call a friend because this is too... I just CAN"T!

My husband and I have been married four 1.5 years. We get along perfectly. We are best friends. I hate being without him and visa versa. Our sex life, however, is something to be desired. Desired because he never wants to do it. There's always an excuse. Aside from that, when we do actually do it, it's over in a flash. He doesn't even care if I'm satisfied or not. And recently, he lost his erection. He works nights, and I work from home. So we have hours alone without my son around who is in school. So privacy isn' the issue.

Then, we went on vacation last week and I couldn't keep him off of me. I was like, YES! And it was really, really great sex too. It was like we were on our honeymoon- but even better! I asked what had gotten into him and he said he didn't know.

Now we're back and it's the same old routine. We haven't done it once! I asked him what happened to that guy on vacation and he said he didn't know. And gave me a really weird look.

Now here is where my concern is. I just found a pair of men's underwear next to where he sleeps (he sleeps upstairs during the day where it's darker and more quiet) and it had TONS of cum stains. Not only that, but the but is like, ripped out!

My heart is beating out of my chest because I'm sick and confused over this. I've often wondered if he's gay because he has no sex drive- never has since we've been together. And I'm not ugly by any means. He has talked about his wild (and I mean WILD) escapades while in the service with him and his buddies and even doing orgies! So I thought, maybe I'm way to tame? He assures me that's not it, and that he just has no sex drive for some reason.

I haven't confronted him about the underwear. I plan on doing this tomorrow... BUT HOW!!!?? And who's are they???? They are too small to be his and I have never seen them before.

HELP!!! What do I do? What do I say?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:58am

Hi happyface63, welcome!


      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 10:01am

Thank you for your response! I'm feeling VERY alone and confused and hurt right now.

My husband has never seemed to have a very big sex drive- not even on our honeymoon. But on our vacation last week, it was like it SHOULD HAVE BEEN on our honeymoon. He was all over me. I felt so "wanted" and attractive and desirable for the first time in our marriage.

Regarding where I found the undies... they were between the wall and the bed in the corner. So it wasn't out in the open or easily seen unless looking. Which is what kind of concerns me about showing him the undies. I'm sure he's going to feel like I've been snooping... which I was!

I feel like, whatever it is here that is keeping him away from me... wasn't on our vacation. I was his only "outlet". Now I'm feeling like I was just a way to get off because he didn't have WHATEVER IT IS with him on our vacation.

Not sure if I mentioned, but before our vacation, when we would do it, it was over within a minute. My foreplay was watching him put on lubricant- or me doing it for him. Wow. But on vacation, we didn't need lubricant because he actually got me "hot" and didn't need it.

When we got back from vacation, the next day he tried to do it... but he lost his erection. That was Sunday... today is Friday.

I have talked with him a few times about our sex life and what I can do, or do differently, or anything! He said there is nothing and not to take it personally because he loves me... he's just not a sexual person. Which is not true. He proved that on our vacation- 2 x's a day! And the undies is proof that he has the desire... just not with me.

It kills me that he would rather be with his hand than with me.

(oh... there is no tv or pc upstairs so online or other porn isn't the issue.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:56pm

Hi again happyface63,


      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 3:58pm
Oh my gosh... I just realized that the message I (thought) I posted about my talk with DH didn't get posted. I think I didn't hit the second post button. UGH! it was big. I'll write more in a minute... ugh.