Guy looking for advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Guy looking for advice...
5
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 1:01am

Hello all,

I feel kind of silly asking this question, but judging by a quick look through the site, I think this is the place for good advice.

I am a late-20s guy who is beginning a relationship with a mid-to-late 20s woman. My girlfriend is not well-educated on sexual activities, has limited experience (one other boyfriend), and has never read any books/online sites. (I am the opposite.)

While in bed, I tend to "give" 90% of the time, and when she does give, she doesn't bring me to orgasm. (Note: she has never orgasmed with me or her previous boyfriend, but she has said that she enjoys manual and oral stimulation.)

I am not looking for sex - but I don't think it is too much to ask for her to spend some more time on me and, ideally, bring me to orgasm. I don't want to pressure her, but I have discussed the issue with her a bit.

Do you have any suggestions on how to politely change the balance and get her to bring me to orgasm? I don't want to "change" her, but if her idea of sexual contact revolves around me taking care of her and then us going to sleep...well, after 5 straight visits resulting in that outcome, I'm getting pretty frustrated.

Thanks!
-P




Edited 1/16/2007 9:38 am ET by public13
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 5:58pm

Hi public13, welcome!


      Jill

    

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:57pm
Hi P, don't forget we have a Men's Health Board http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhmenshealth

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:22pm

Hi there!

Thank you both for your responses. They were very helpful - gave me more to think about, certainly.

To clarify, I was actually just talking about outercourse. She hasn't expressed any general aversion or disgust to it, but as you said, I suspect the best thing to do is just try for some more frank discussion of the matter...and then deciding how to proceed from there.

One quick follow-up question, also. The Joy of Sex series of books was mentioned - is that a good series for introducing someone to non-intercourse activities as well, or is there a better book for that?

Finally, thanks for the link to the men's board. I didn't even see that before, but I'm still glad I was able to post here.

Have a great week
P

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:06pm

Hi guy, welcome back!


      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:18pm
You sound like a really sensitive guy and your girlfriend is very lucky to have you. If she has never had an orgasm with you, that is probably what you should work on first. Once she enjoys sex and foreplay more, she will be more comfortable receiving and giving. try to communicate more openly with her about what exactly it is she likes and working towards enjoying sex together. When she starts to enjoy sex more and feel comfortable communicating with you about it, you both will benefit. if she thinks she is having problems with her sex drive or having an orgasm or even feeling comfortable with sex, her ObGyn would be a good resource (i know mine was!). Good luck!