What does he want to hear?
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| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:20am |
I'm crossposting this from the board I usually hang out on...
I've wanted to know the answer to this question for as long as I have been sexually active.
When you're in "the act" with your man and he says to you, "Tell me what you want...."
What is it he wants to hear? What do you say?
Here's my problem. I never fantasize during sex. I zero in on exactly what is happening to each body part. I have a visual in my mind of exactly what is happening at a very zeroed in level.
VERY rarely do I wish he would do something different. So then I am frozen not sure what to say when asked. I feel like if I were to want something different it would be almost like critisizing to say so. I know the reason he asks is likely because he's wanting to hear something erotic that will enhance his enjoyment... or maybe, sometimes it seems, that he asks when he is "close" and wants to make sure I'm getting what I need...
No matter what, I always freeze with an almost fear of speaking. I don't SAY anything during sex. I'm not saying I'm quiet in the least.. but talking is just a total distraction to me. If I were to say anything, I would remind myself of a pornographic movie and then I'd feel so hokey. I have a hard time not letting my mind go there when he talks. I never answer when asked.. then that makes me feel like I'm disappointing him.. especially because he keeps asking.
I wonder how it would go over if the next time I'm asked "What do you want?" if I answer "Silence."
:)
Paula
Edited 2/22/2007 12:28 am ET by bbyparit

Hi Paula, welcome!
Jill
However, sometimes I agree, I just want him to shut up and take me, LOL, but he is usually concerned about whether he is hurting me or not. No. It has been mildly uncomfortable at times due to the size of his, uh, member, however, nothing that a little lube won't fix.
The thing that I am not real fond of with him is that he is absolutely in control of his finishing, when and where, and he is almost slient the whole time until his big finish which is generally quite a loud grunt. :) He can be 2 seconds away from a finish and he is completely calm, cool and collected and I pretty much have no idea he is ready to finish, until he says it is time. I wish he would be a little more vocal, letting me know that he is enjoying himself, at least a little moaning and groaning from him would help me!
Example given; if we are going at it missionary style he will calmly stand up and ask to change positions to doggy or something else. It took me awhile to figure out that he was wanting to change positions to keep from finishing too quickly, LOL, but he is so calm about the whole thing, I would never know that he was "that" excited, ya know? :)
I'm a man, and here is my advice to you.
You may be correct in thinking that he wants to make sure that you're satisfied before he finishes, so if you're satisfied, just tell him that. The best thing you can say to a man who asks that question during sex is "exactly what you're doing" or "this is perfect" or something reassuring without sounding like bad porn dialog. If you think that won't be an acceptable response for him, then try suggesting a new position. It could be that he doesn't want it to end at that moment, and taking a moment to "reset" by changing positions can make him last a bit longer, and also gives an answer to the question. Whether or not you really "need" a change in position or not really doesn't matter as long as it's still enjoyable for you both, plus any answer at all is better than silence.
Also, you say you're not quiet during lovemaking, but you don't talk, so maybe just increase your sound level and/or become more vocal when he's doing something right, or when YOU are close and maybe he won't feel the need to ask the question.
Hope that helps!
(I feel like a bit of an interloper here, but I needed advice and am willing to offer my man's opinion to others if it helps)