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|Thu, 04-29-2010 - 1:36pm|
Hi ladies, I hope everyone is doing well and your cycles aren't beating you up too much! I noticed a few of my cycle buddies from last year had there babies..congrats!
SO I'll just act as if anyone doesn't know me! I've been on hiatus since my December miscarriage and we decided to take a break from IVF for several reason, me and DH really needed to get our marriage back on track it was really taking a toll on us. I had also been out of work for about 4 months and was worried about trying to find a job while big and preggers..well the job search is over - WOOHOO! I finally got an offer from a green startup company.. a little risky but very excited! I'm gonna be the office manager/executive assistant/jack of all trades (right up my alley)!! While I'mnot sure when we'll try ivf again..depends on how the next few months! I feel soo much better mentally and emotionally and I"m happy which feels like something I've been chasing since last January 2009!
So while I have been on hiatus one of the things Ive discovered is that I think I need support. I can talk to hubby and we talk now all the time about it, but sometimes you just want to have some conversations with women who understand. I have LOVED this website being able to read and relate to all the different stories. I've even written a couple of times but I seem not to get a lot of replies so I just ready, but one thing I think I have struggled with a little bit is trying to find other african american women who are going through the same thing. It has been hard for me to talk to my friends because they either already have kids and/or dont want any by choice. One night hubby and I was out and about and one of his friends wives said to me "So why don't you want to have kids yet?" And it was came from such left field, my only answer was, as I started choking a little on my sex on the beach, "HUH? What are you talking about.." and she proceeded to tell me that as long as she's known my hubby he;s always wanted kids couldn't wait, was the last one to get married and now it seems like, especially since he's 40 and I just turned 30 that I'm not ready to have kids yet..I answered back..well I'm jobless right now, so I don't think that would be fair of me to put that much stress on him..blah blah blah..but this brings me back to my original kinda question...are there any african american women in my area (Boston) going through the same thing? I mean I know there are, but honestly..in the year I spent camped out in the various waiting rooms giving blood, getting my privates poked and pretending not to be disappointed (or upset with someone CLEARLY disobeys the "don't bring children to the clinic" sign and brings not only there kid but than proceeds to take up like 4 seats with baby/toddler stuff and make a little playpen like area in the corner - anyways)...I have only run into one other AA couple!
I think its kinda funny (in an ironic way) that its kinda assumed among my peers and friends that I'm just a fertile myrtle..that most black women are..and that we can just pick a number of children we want and start popping them out.. Now I do have a disclaimer here - I come from a HUGE family, my mom was the oldest of 11..all of her siblings are married and have AT LEAST 3kids..now at least half of my cousins have kids (if not all) and we are undergoing ivf (technically) for MFI..so my personal friends its easy to understand that and maybe they could have been right..but still...
I've even tried looking for AA blogs about infertility but I haven't found too many.
Back in January I had started a blog after my last failed cycle and my desire to just DO THE NEXT ONE but it peetered out..I've been thinking about starting it up again..but what would I even say!
well I guess I just wanted your thoughts on connecting with people going through the same experiences (outside of ivillage), if your african american your experiences going through ivf, and anything..I guess I'm kinda in a discussion mood...any takers.