Husband watching porn on internet

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Husband watching porn on internet
48
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:08pm
I am a relatively open minded woman in my 40's. Had a successful career for 20 years, then left it and spent the last 4 years getting pregnant, nursing, getting pregnant AGAIN, nursing AGAIN! Wasn't rushing to have sex very often! Now the kids are 2 & 3.5 and my husband and I are having sex about once a week. I'm 5'6, 162lbs, started running and have been doing well. I have a way to go, but am beginning to get my groove back. Today, I was looking for a website in my history file and discovered that he's been on the internet looking at free porn sites. There is even a pay site where you can find people in your zip code who want to have sex!!! As far as i can tell, he hasn't signed up to get that service. So, is this the natural guy thing? Is he no longer interested in me because my body has been through hell for 4 years? Do I try having more sex with him to keep him? Is he going to leave me and my two babies for some younger tighter sexier version? Is he grossed out when he looks at me? Will he try to start a relationship with someone this way? I think all guys like porn, but when YOUR guy is doing it!!!!! Feeling really shocked, dejected!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 3:06pm

There are so many different trains of thought with this subject.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 2:32pm

Just a thought, but are you SURE he's deliberately searching out these sites?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 10:23am

Just my two cents....


No it is not normal or right for a man (or woman) that is married to look at porn.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 11:11am

The key to any good relationship is communication.


Here are links to a couple of the other boards:


Pornography and your relationship


Relationships Damaged by Pornography

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:54am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 4:50pm

Hi,


I really feel for your situation as I had a similar experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 4:20am

I'm so sorry you have that feeling!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:32pm

Dear runat40,


I was in a different but similar situation. I was a single mom for 11 1/2 years. My children were

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 8:57pm

wow- I am so impressed that you have two children close in age, both born so late in your life. That's awesome! I have four girls (see my sig below.)

I have never been with a guy who doesn't look at porn, and all my guys I met at church. I think it's a normal guy thing (not saying it's right, but it's typical.)My husband deffinitely finds me very attractive, and I try to make time for him where I don't just look like mom, but look like the sexy wife he married. I have gained a lot in the last five years. I wore a sized 10/12 when I got pregnant and now I wear an 18/20- not ideal. But, he still loves me.

His looking at porn has nothing to do with wither he finds me attractive or if I satisfy him.

Now, he does struggle to NOT look, which may be different between my husband and yours...

Sarah, mother of four girls
Faith 1-23-03 born 2 months premature, AS,SID
Hope 2-22-04 born 6 weeks premature, ASD
Grace 5-4-05 born 4 weeks premature, ASD, SID
Joy 3-30-07 born 3 weeks premature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:07pm

I am concerned that you open your post by saying all the things that could be wrong with you, or that it could be your fault your husband is looking at porn. This has nothing to do with you. You are not to blame for having babies, being a mother, etc. And I am sure that your DH's body is not perfect, either. I am 45, as is my husband, and although we are very thin, I can assure you that we both have a lot of imperfections! Nobody is perfect at this age.


Men are wired to be visual people when it comes to sex, but this doesn't mean that looking at porn is right. It is also quite natural to have nasty table manners and put ourselves first, but most of us understand that these "natural" impulses need to be held in check.


I think your DH needs to know that this

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