Husband watching porn on internet

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Husband watching porn on internet
48
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:08pm
I am a relatively open minded woman in my 40's. Had a successful career for 20 years, then left it and spent the last 4 years getting pregnant, nursing, getting pregnant AGAIN, nursing AGAIN! Wasn't rushing to have sex very often! Now the kids are 2 & 3.5 and my husband and I are having sex about once a week. I'm 5'6, 162lbs, started running and have been doing well. I have a way to go, but am beginning to get my groove back. Today, I was looking for a website in my history file and discovered that he's been on the internet looking at free porn sites. There is even a pay site where you can find people in your zip code who want to have sex!!! As far as i can tell, he hasn't signed up to get that service. So, is this the natural guy thing? Is he no longer interested in me because my body has been through hell for 4 years? Do I try having more sex with him to keep him? Is he going to leave me and my two babies for some younger tighter sexier version? Is he grossed out when he looks at me? Will he try to start a relationship with someone this way? I think all guys like porn, but when YOUR guy is doing it!!!!! Feeling really shocked, dejected!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:41am

As a woman who likes to look at pornography I don't mind if my guy does it. Because I understand it, it doesn't feel threatening to me. It makes absolutely no difference to how your husband feels about you. It might even boost your sex life if you can learn to stop worrying and feeling insecure.


I bet he fancies the pants off you regardless of your own perception of your 'faults'. I bet he doesn't even notice them. He will look at you the same way you look at him - he won't see anything but the woman he loves.


Porn is not a threat. Plus all the naughty websites have a link to 'meet local girls' etc.


Ask him about it. Be open and communicate. Find out what turns him on and be a part of it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 2:25pm

I say yes to both your questions.


Yes it is a guy thing. And it doesn't have anything to do with you not being able to "do it" for him.


Yes you should be concerned if it goes on for long periods of time. My spouse had been looking and I knew it. It wasn't until I put a program on the computer to monitor activity that I found out he spent hours doing it. I tried talking to him about it and he didn't think it was a problem. No one thinks they have a problem right? Anyway, about a week later my Spouse is in a rehab facility for addictive behavior. Things are starting to make sense right? So that's whats happening in my world. I guess what I am trying to say is, by talking to him you may not find the real truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 2:33pm

Communication requires both parties to be open and honest with the other without fear that whatever they say will be used against them in a future fight.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 9:16am
My EX husband prefered porn & masterbation over making love to me. I am very petite & pretty I think I'm ok in the BR. It totally ruined my self esteem & broke down our marriage. I discussed it with him over & over but it never changed. Don't let him bring you down. Make yourself as presentable as you can. Not for him but for yourself & your self esteem. Beauty is on the inside. Show yourself how beautiful you really are. I have since met a man who wants to make love to me constantly & has made me feel like the woman I really am. Good luck to you & know that others feel your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:55pm

It seems to me that porn is usually not about sex, it is often about something else.

~ Jessica


visit my family blog at: lifeinthefunzone.blogspot.co

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 4:51pm

I am a woman in my 20's and recently caught my husband watching porn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 7:51pm
I think you need to be very worried.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:10pm

I agree....

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:24pm

I know that you got a lot of responses for this. Just my 2 cents.

Don't over read it. We are sexual creatures, men respond to the visual more than women.

I think it's totally normal for a happily married person (note I said person and not necessarily man here) to occasionally look at pornography.

I do sometimes (GASP!) rarely, and it usually grosses me out, but sometimes I just like looking at sexy pictures, what can I say?

(How embarrassing! please don't tell anyone).

V
(a happily married mother of 1 beautiful little girl)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 12:41pm

I just saw your posting and only wanted to share some advice: