Husband watching porn on internet
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Husband watching porn on internet
| Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:08pm |
I am a relatively open minded woman in my 40's. Had a successful career for 20 years, then left it and spent the last 4 years getting pregnant, nursing, getting pregnant AGAIN, nursing AGAIN! Wasn't rushing to have sex very often! Now the kids are 2 & 3.5 and my husband and I are having sex about once a week. I'm 5'6, 162lbs, started running and have been doing well. I have a way to go, but am beginning to get my groove back. Today, I was looking for a website in my history file and discovered that he's been on the internet looking at free porn sites. There is even a pay site where you can find people in your zip code who want to have sex!!! As far as i can tell, he hasn't signed up to get that service. So, is this the natural guy thing? Is he no longer interested in me because my body has been through hell for 4 years? Do I try having more sex with him to keep him? Is he going to leave me and my two babies for some younger tighter sexier version? Is he grossed out when he looks at me? Will he try to start a relationship with someone this way? I think all guys like porn, but when YOUR guy is doing it!!!!! Feeling really shocked, dejected!

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Hehe -- I just had this happen to me yesterday. I'm a newlywed of one month and one week, and I'm 7 months pregnant with my second, his first. Happened to be checking the history for a site I was at a couple days ago, and noticed that he had been looking at porn.
Frankly I was curious. So I looked at every site and video he looked at. Gave me a chance to see what turns him on and what he likes. Lol -- then I went upstairs where he was sleeping and woke him up. Told him what I'd found, teased him a bit about it, then f***ed him hard for about an hour or so. After the third time or so, I asked him if this was as good as what he had been watching -- he grinned at me and said better. I thought the whole thing amusing really.
He's still too uncomfortable to watch or look at it with me tho. Wierd, cuz I think it would turn both of us on enough that we wouldn't watch for very long..
Of course, one factor could be that unlike most women (apparently) my sex drive goes way up when I'm pregnant -- I can't get enough! He's actually had to turn me down because he was too tired/sore..
Baby #2 is due August 3, 2008!
Unschooling family -- education by experience!
DW to Andrew
Our wedding day was March 28, 2008>
SAHM, WAHM - I love working from home!
Check out my website -- promises.fourpointmoms.com
"You don't know what you can get away with until you try." -- Colin Powell
Baby Zarielle born July 22, 2008!
My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have a 3 and 19 month old and I'm pregnant again.
It's "a guy thing" until it interferes with you getting what you need.
I went through the EXACT thing you did. Before my DH and I got married I asked him point blank if he considered porn. I knew that his brother was very involved in it, although he and his brother are at odds about many things and are NOTHING alike. My DH said, "No, I have no use for it." End of discussion.
A few weeks later I was looking for a shoe and found a Maxim under our bed. It had a sexy young centerfold in a very scant bikini. I was mortified. I knew that my DH came home during the day. His office was in our home. After he got home, I asked him about it. He said that he wasn't looking at the girls, he was reading about a game the he and my son where thinking of playing on a video machine. I half bought it. It was a good argument and I tried to remember that he already told me the "truth" about the issue.
Okay, so eventually a letter box, like a file folder thing, appeared in the hall bathroom. His brother was living with us at the time. The only thing in the box was porn mags. I complained to my DH about it and he said that he would ask my BIL to keep them in his room.
Wedding day came and went. Three weeks into married life I was cleaning the hall bathroom and sure enough, the box had been gone for some time, but there was a couple of mags under the cabinet. I grabbed them and went to the livingroom where BIL was sitting. DH had run to the store. I said, "M*** said that he would remind you not to leave these in the hall bathroom, I would be embarrassed if someone used the bathroom and found them there." He said, "Hon, those aren't mine, why would I do that? I have my own room."
I felt all the blood rush to my face. I felt my chest tighten in a sort of hurt/fear feeling.
I went to my bedroom, closed the door and threw the mags on the bed. I began to cry uncontrollably. I decided to take a hot shower and gain some composure. When DH got home I was in the shower still crying. He entered the room with flowers from the store and asked what was wrong. I pointed to the bed, in tears. He put the flowers down without a word, picked up the mags and left the room.
I was so hurt. I hated him, felt abandoned and betrayed all at once.
I honestly can't remember what his lousy excuse was.
That same week I got snoopy and got onto our PC. We had different profiles. I went to his and I found TONS of porn. Pictures as well as movies. Of course we had a fight. I didn't handle it well at all. He removed everything but I spent the next year battling it. I had the router on our PC logging the websites and sending them to my email. While out of town he was surfing asian porn and I caught him at it. He fabricated this enormous lie that it was a friend that had come over. When I got home the friend called and I asked how he was and he had been laid up from a truck accident, had not been to my house for weeks!
More lies from DH. I was sickened and angry that I didn't see the sign beforehand, although he hid it well.
The thing is, I was a willing partner and I had a great figure (ugh 4 years ago! LOL!) and I was kind to him. I began to read books on how to be a better lover, how to do this and that to "please my man"... nothing changed it.
Finally, I had to plan to leave him. I was so sad because I loved him, but I could not live with someone who objectified women that way. Also, there is only one reason why men cruise porn, for masturbation. Naturally, our sex life wasn't all that grand, I mean he wouldn't flirt with me, or have a quickie, or get romantic and drag me to the bedroom.
Nothing... it was like he changed into someone completely different.
Well, I began to heal me. I read books about codependency and self discovery to get strong enough to be on my own.
He did give up the porn. He really did. I spent a long time telling him how harmful it is and degrading and I honestly believe it's adultery. I told him I felt like I had a husband that slept with a different woman every time I left the house. I just didn't want a man like that.
Okay, so here we are today. Things have improved TREMENDOUSLY, but only by the grace of God.
I really want you to know that I know exactly what you are going through. I also want you to know it's NOT YOU. You didn't break him and you can't fix him.
Blessings!
db
I know this whole post might be a strange idea to some people... but I am pretty sure most women have encountered the porn issue with their male partners. When my partner and I first started dating, he watched porn. I am pretty open minded about things, and I think that helped him be honest with me about it. It bothered me a some, for the same reasons it bothers most women: insecurities. But I didn't want to make him feel like he was doing something wrong. I mean, let's face it- there is a pretty huge percentage of men out there looking at porn. We can't go around making our partners feel ashamed for something EVERY guy does. So I put my insecurities aside and just talked to him about it. And then I watched some of it with him, asking him questions like "is that hot?" or "is that what you are into?" I actually discovered a lot about what he enjoys sexually this way. I feel like being open to what your partner enjoys sexually is SO important in any relationship. I think it's also your answer to get him to stop watching porn. I mean, set aside the insecurities- he obviously thinks you are attractive or he'd have picked someone else!
Another thing I did to get him to stop watching porn without making him feel bad about it: I took some pictures of myself! Yep, I know it's a little daring. They weren't porn exactly, but they were suggestive! He LOVED it. Do something like that and he'll be so grateful.
Be open to him, make him feel welcomed in the bedroom. Make him feel like you are comfortable with sex. He'll love you more for it, and he probably won't need porn to masturbate to- he'll have the memories of something you've done together! And hello! You'll get something out of it too!
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