When to give up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
When to give up?
7
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 4:01am

4 failed IUIs.  2 failed IVFs.  2 left that insurance will pay for.  2 down, 2 to go.  After that, we're cut off from insurance for lifetime.  Cannot afford any treatment on our own.  If we get a baby, then the counter restarts at 2.


We're at a crossroads. 


We're left with the decision to roll the dice two more times with my eggs, or roll it with donor eggs.  Mind you, even though we have insurance, donor is by no means free; it's still quite costly.


I know that some couples find this decision easy, but not I.  I'm OK with ART.  I'm OK with adoption.  But, donor egg was something that I ruled out early on.  However, now I'm left with the decision.  It's really hard for me because my husband is for it, but he has also told me that he wanted to have a baby with me.  If we do donor, then it's not with me, it's with some 20-something we've only seen a picture of.


If we roll the dice with my eggs for the remaining 2 cycles, and they turn out the way the first two did, then we're done for life.


Likewise, if we plunk down all of the jack to do 2 donor cycles and they don't work either, then we're also done.


However, if either option actually worked, then the counter resets.  I'm thinking of taking the donor chance and resetting the insurance counter and trying for baby #2 with my eggs, but there is human nature involved, so there are no guarantees.  Plus, I still have my reservations about the donor option.


So, the question remains, When to give up?


Has anyone (or anyone you know) had to give up for financial reasons?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
In reply to: kimmy_72
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 11:17am

Hi Kimmy,

I am so sorry this process has been so long and painful for you... I know how much it sucks and how completely unfair it is. I've been through 5 IUIs and 3 IVFs over a 5 year period... and after the 2nd failed IVF I almost gave up. Luckily I am covered by insurance but not 100%, so there is still a significant financial impact..but even just going through the process again was very emotionally difficult to do, especially for DH.

But I am here to tell you some good news, my 3rd IVF worked and I am now 15 weeks pregnant and it has been a very healthy pregnancy so far (except for low progesterone and the need for continued PIO shots through the 14th week, but that I can handle).

We never considered donor eggs... why is your doctor recommending this? My eggs werent the best. I never had anything to freeze, but I really wanted to keep trying with my eggs and am really glad I did. I don't think there is anything wrong with DE, in fact I think its an amazing solution for those that need it, I just knew this wasn't something I wanted to do.

I wish you all the best and hope you make the right decision for you and DH.
Rossana

TTC#1 since Jul 2005; 3 IVF's, 5 IUIs and now making 1 beautiful baby!!!

pregnancy

TTC#1 since Jul 2005; 3 IVF's, 5 IUIs and now making 1 beautiful baby!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
In reply to: kimmy_72
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 11:00am

Hi Kimmy,
For me, I am kicking myself in the behind because I didn't fight harder to do donor egg before all my insurance coverage is gone. Yes, donor eggs can be expensive but a lot more expensive when you don't have insurance coverage. Why not try one more time with your eggs and if that doesn't pan out then try donor for your 4th try? At least if you do donor, then there is a great chance that you will have some frozen embies. my husband was against donor because he wanted a child with me, at the time he used the $$ excuse but now to find out that was the real reason. Now I have 6 ivf's under my belt, no insurance coverage left, in debt and still no child. I would have had a lot better chance with donor.

I know its a hard decision to do donor or not to do donor. we all have in our minds to have our own children. When I was deciding if I wanted to do donor egg, a lady advised me that when doing donor you are only taking 1 cell from someone else, and biologically the child will be yours.

Good Luck with your decision.

CHRIS


----"Never give up on something that you can't stop thinking about every second of every day."----

Chris 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
In reply to: kimmy_72
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 11:32am

Thank you, Ladies, for your support.


Chris, I guess another one of my worries is exactly what you went through,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2008
In reply to: kimmy_72
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:15pm

Hi Kimmy,


I'm new to the board so may have missed out on some previous posts by you explaining history, but do you mind if I ask how old you are? I ask because depending on your age, it may make sense to try your next cycle with your own eggs when they are "younger"

Loving my miracle Evan Robert, born 4/22/2011, following 4 consecutive first tri-mester losses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2010
In reply to: kimmy_72
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 5:57pm

Adriana,


I'm 37.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2008
In reply to: kimmy_72
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 8:54pm

Hi Kimmy,


I'll let you know how things go at the new Dr-we meet with him again on the 24th to make plans on when to start the meds, etc for another IVF cycle. I am nervous just because things will be a little different and I've gotta get used to a whole new staff-but we are excited too. I saw your other post about switching Drs. I had previously requested all of my records from when I went for 2nd opinions a little earlier on so I pretty have everything I need there. I basically called my Dr and told him that my husband and I had decided to move on and try something different

Loving my miracle Evan Robert, born 4/22/2011, following 4 consecutive first tri-mester losses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
In reply to: kimmy_72
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 11:31am

Hi Kimmi,

i haven't read all of the replies, but in short my answer is: yes, i had to give up due to financial reasons. i do have one frozen embie left which we may or may not transfer. But i have been TTC for 38 months, and one of those months i did IVF. For about the last 18 months i have just given up. i figure if some miracle happens as far as i conceive, great. If not-life goes on. i am focusing on my company, the one child i already have... it's really tough sometimes, and sometimes months go by and i don't worry about it. Baby showers i tend to skip ;)

If it comes to the point where you decide to give up, you will be OK with it and life will go on, you are stronger than you think. Whatever decision you make i hope it brings you peace :)

jen

Infertility: TTC 38 months. Don't think about it much anymore!
Infertility: TTC 38 months. Don't think about it much anymore!