What are you telling older children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
What are you telling older children?
4
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:41pm

I have an 8 yr. old daughter from my previous marriage, and so far haven't told her about IVF cycle I am going through.  She was out of the country with her father for 2 weeks visiting relatives, but now is back.  We have been doing shots at night, thinking we could do them after she went to bed, but, of course, her sleep cycle is all off because of the time difference, and she would not go to sleep last night, and got up in the middle of us mixing and preparing the meds.  I just told her I was taking some medicine (she didn't see the needles) and she asked if I was okay, and I said I was and sent her back to bed.  I'm just thinking she is eventually going to figure out something is up, and I don't want her to worry.  Her school starts Thurs., but I have a dr.'s apt. Wed. morning, so my mother is keeping her for that.  I haven't told my mother, either.  I just said I have a dr.'s apt. and she didn't ask what for.  We were trying not to tell anyone -- just don't want questions about it, or dealing with people if we are unsuccessful.  Plus, in my daughter's case, she doesn't yet know how babies are conceived, anyway, so I'm not sure how to explain IVF!  She knows babies grow in mommies' tummies, and knows the parts of women's bodies, and knows that men's bodies are different, knows what a penis is, but that's about it.  A few years ago, she walked in on me in the bathroom and saw a maxi pad, so I breifly explained that adult women have blood flow once a month and not to worry, but I don't know if she would even remember that.  She was completely unconcerned at the time.  I have been thinking about explaining menstruation some time soon, but with sex and IVF all at once -- that's a lot of info. for an 8-yr.-old.  Just wondered how others are dealing with this.  We did tell her we are hoping to have a brother or sister for her -- we told her that a year or so ago, when we started trying.


 


--Brigid

Brigid, 42 yrs. old, daughter born 2002, Pregnant! Due date Jan. 6, 2012 Son born Dec. 29! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 10:27pm
Thanks for your thoughts.
Brigid, 42 yrs. old, daughter born 2002, Pregnant! Due date Jan. 6, 2012 Son born Dec. 29! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:47am

My kids are 7 and 9 and I have told them everything.

Amber (30) dh Mike (35) married 12 years. ds (10), conceived through IUI, and dd (8), conceived naturally.  Vasectomy was in 2003. Vasectomy Reversal 12/1/09 with Dr. Wilson! TTC #3 in 2010!!  We had 4 failed IUIs with Clomid in 2010. One IVF an
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 8:31pm

Brigid, I have a 7-yr old step daughter, and I am strictly avoiding all baby talk and doing my best to hide everything with the IVF from her. We have custody of her (which shows that her mom doesn't make the best choices anyway) and her mom told her right away with each of her recent pregnancies, and we had to watch her disappointment, confusion and sadness as her mom tragically miscarried each of them. In fact, just having her mom tell her she's trying to have another baby really gets our daughter's hopes up higher than is fair... Your daughter is older, and may be much more mature, but I wouldn't suggest telling her anything about the ivf at all (I think you're right! Far too confusing!) and not even tell her she's getting a sibling until the pregnancy is well established. We've also thought of the added concern that everything our daughter hears is destined to be repeated far and wide- we don't want OTHER people to incorrectly interpret IVF for her or to her, so we're keeping absolutely quiet. That's our plan.

Robyn, I think your advice is right on... And WOW! What lovely Beta numbers you have!!! Congratulations!! You must be ecstatic after all of this effort and waiting!

Hugs,

Leah (33, DH- 33)
03/08- BFP w/ NO HELP, but m/c at 10 wks
3 IUIs- BFN
05/10- BFP w/ NO HELP, but chem preg at 4 wks
1st IVF in Aug. 2010- Ganirelex protocol
08/11- ER, 40 eggs! 29 mature, 26 fertilized!
Froze 14, letting 12 go to blast stage... Fingers crossed!
Leah (33, DH- 33)
03/08- BFP w/ NO HELP, but m/c at 10 wks
3 IUIs- BFN
05/10- BFP w/ NO HELP, but chem preg at 4 wks
1st IVF in Aug. 2010- Ganirelex protocol
08/11- ER, 40 eggs! 29 mature, 26 fertilized!
Froze 14, 7 made it to blast, 2 t
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:57pm

I have a 7yo DS from a previous marriage.

Robyn (35) DH (40) DSD (19) DS (7)

TTC our first together