Is this common?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2008
Is this common?
8
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:22am
Hey everyone,
I have a question and am looking for some insight. I have been with my dh for 12 years. With in the last year I've noticed something. When my dh and I are having sex he seems to have a hard time finishing. Sometimes he isn't fully erect during sex, sometimes he is. He is about 30lbs over weight. Could weight be the problem? I was staring to wonder if had something to with me but I'm not sure how it could be. Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 5:45am
Hi Erica, and welcome to the Sexual Health Board.

First of all, I really do not think that your husband's problem has anything to do with you, so just try and take that pressure off your mind.

Has he any health problems? Is he on medication for anything? Is he under pressure or stress at work?

Being semi-erect is one problem, and it could be due to something physical. I'm really not sure if his weight would cause that, the best thing would be for him to talk to his doctor, if he would be willing to do so. Many men are not, I know. Does he smoke? It seems to me I've heard that can be a factor as well.

As for his inability to climax when you have sex, that too could be stress related. Are you trying to conceive? If yes, then this could be a part of the problem for him, as he might be feeling pressure about his part in the process. This is something I've heard couples talk about in terms of their sex life, both men and women, and the fact that the sex is scheduled for a desired baby does put performance anxiety upon them both, and takes away some of the fun, too.

Is his inability to climax something that bothers him? Can the two of you talk about it? One thing that you can try, if he is trying and trying and not finishing is to stop, have him pull out, and take a break. Let his breathing calm down and return to normal, but help him to stay hard by giving him some hand action, or have him stimulate himself. Talk to him, too, and ask him to tell you when he is close, then have him penetrate you again. If he was very close to finishing, that should do it.

I hope that some of this helps, and please feel free to ask me anything else. I'll try and help if I can.

It's nice to meet you!

Nenu




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<
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 8:02am
yes, the overweight can cause such problems. Here I see only 2 solutions: either loosing weight or taking erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 10:22am

Thanks for your input. However, unless the cause of the erectile problem is identified, then Viagra or Cialis aren't by definition the solution to the problem. As I mentioned to the original poster, her husband needs to see his doctor, who will do an examination and tests to determine the cause, and therefore, prescribe a solution.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2008
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 2:56pm

Thanks for the response Nenu

it bothers him sometimes. To my knowledge he isn't anymore stressed than before I noticed the problem starting. I doubt that he will see the dr about this issue. It takes me bugging him for a couple weeks before he will see the dr about simple things like strep throat or sinus infection.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2009
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 8:37pm
Hi Erica,



Like Nenu said, I don't think it has anything to do with you. It really would be best if you could convince your husband to see a doctor, but I know that is easier said than done -- I've got one of those too. ;-)



The extra weight could be contributing to the problem, especially if he is carrying it around the middle. According to the article linked in a thread about men's sexual health:


"Age, as well as physical health, plays a role in testosterone levels and, by extension, sexual drive. Testosterone is broken down in fat—especially fat found around the waist, which absorbs the hormone with disturbing efficiency. If a man has a disproportionately large belly for his frame, chances are his sexual drive is lower than it could or should be."


My own doctor, a general practitioner, told me that low testosterone is very common and can be responsible not only for a diminished libido, but also for erections being less firm. She also said low testosterone can be a big culprit behind weight gain.



Good luck, and I hope for both your sakes that he decides to see a doctor about it.



Siggy

Community Leader of Women's Health






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2010
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 6:42pm

Men are funny creatures.

Desert Smile

Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 3:17am
Welcome to the board, desertsmile, and thank you for joining in. How are things going with you these days?

I'm Nenu, CL of this board, it's great to have you here.





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<
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2010
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 10:10am

Good morning and thank you for the welcome.


Life, all things considered, it great here in Sunny California.

Desert Smile

Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken