Climax difficulty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Climax difficulty
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 7:09pm

So I'm a little nervous to talk about this on here....but I've never talked to anyone about it before, and I rather just get it out now. I've had my fair share of sexual partners, some of whom were boyfriends, others one-night stands, and others who were just friends. I've been able to climax through masturbation since I was 17. During intercourse I find it extremely difficult to climax, if I do, which is very rare. I am able to get aroused and stay aroused for sometime, but during intercourse it feels like I loose my sense of focus because there is so much going on. I know the difference between love making, and sex because I have experienced them both. I can climax very easily when I masturbate because I am completely focused on myself and what I like. When it comes to intercourse with a man, there is just so much going on that it's almost impossible to keep my own concentration on myself and him at the same time. And to be very specific, I have never experienced a "vaginal" orgasm, I've only experienced orgasm through stimulating my...well you know. Some people say that they've experienced "vaginal" orgasms, but then I have read that female orgasms are only achieved through stimulating the clitoris. When a man is inside me, and I go to stimulate my external parts, it almost feels like half of my sensation in that area is gone, compared to when I masturbate with no vaginal intercourse involved. I know this is very specific and I don't mean to offend or gross anyone out, but I really don't know how else to say it. If anyone can offer advice that would be GREAT! Thanks for reading :)


Edited 3/5/2010 1:43 pm ET by brunette_bmbshl


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 5:28am
Hi, and welcome to the Sexual Health board.

Not all women do have orgasms during intercourse, so right away, I suggest you stop pressuring yourself to do so. In this article Focusing on Sexual Pleasure Can Ruin It, there are things discussed that you might find pertinent.

There are many ways for a woman to come to orgasm during solo sex, oral sex, and yes, during intercourse. The position used is sometimes essential. If you only climax with clitoral stimulation, then try the position known as Woman on Top, or WOT. That way, either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris. Also, it depends on your partner and how open you are with him, and how interested he is in contributing to your pleasure and orgasm. It also depends on how much you feel you can confide in him about what brings you pleasure. It also sounds as though when you are having intercourse and try and stimulate yourself, you have actually been over stimulated, if you feel that some of the sensation is gone.

Orgasms can be triggered by many erogenous zones, and many women discover this about themselves. Breasts, for example, can be very senstitive, and nipples stimulation can trigger orgasms. So it isn't just the clitoris, or the g-spot which is located inside the vagina, that are responsible for orgasms. And don't forget that the brain is what takes the lead, and unleashes inhibitions, fantasies and desires, or shuts it all down.

Here are some links with a LOT of information and links to other articles.

Sex Topics

Sex Positions

Here's a specific board that discusses sex in all its varied aspects.

Let's Talk About Sex

And finally, I have to give you a word of warning about using masked vulgarity at iVillage. You discovered that the filters caught a word that is not allowed here, and used **** to mask it. Please go back and edit that out, as your post could be deleted because of it. According to the iVillage Terms of Service, masking the word is considered to be the same as using it. Here is the relevant passage:

"For purposes of the immediately preceding sentence, "masked" vulgarity, obscenity or profanity (e.g. "f*ck") is deemed to be equivalent to including the actual objectionable word, phrase or symbol in your post, message or otherwise on the iVillage Network."

Good luck with reading those links, and discovering more about yourself and what is likely to bring you pleasure.