New here - lost my dad on 3/3/2005

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
New here - lost my dad on 3/3/2005
2
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 11:24am

My brother and sisters and I lost our father, rather unexpectedly (heart attack) on March 3, 2005 and I, for one, am having a tough time trying to cope with the loss. I still feel like I can pick up the phone at any time and call him. There are days when I don't even feel like getting out of the bed much less taking care of our children (my DH and I have 3) but there are also days when I'm ready for anything that comes down the pike.

I live, approx, 3.5 hrs away from my siblings and they're trying to handle the loss as well so it's hard for me to talk to them. My DH lost his father when he was just a boy so he has a hard time helping me deal with these feelings.

Up until several yrs ago I wasn't all that close with my sibs (halves actually - my dad didn't have a good track record when it came to marriages) and although I could spend hours talking to father on the phone I have a hard time trying to connect with my sibs and like I said they're having to deal with their loss, too. So what do I do?

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:12am
I cant really offer much advice but I offer as much support as I can. I also lost my dad unexpectedly Feb 22. I also still feel like I can just call him up. I am scared to delete him number from my phone and his IM address. I am mad cause I cant call. I am glad you have your husband to support you. having my SO and my kids (DS Jeremy is 6 and DD Jasmine is 8 mths) here with me have kept me from losing my mind. Days like today when I am not feeling well anyway and I am alone are really hard but that is when I come here or find other things to do. As far as your siblings go, I would try to get together but a death is always the best time. I know that I am having a hard time with my younger brother and we were close growing up. So it is a tough decision to make. I wish you the best. Mandi
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 7:01am

Hi Jennifer. Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I also lost my dad to a heart attack in November. I don't have any siblings so I can't relate to you there, but it is definitely a very hard thing to deal with the reality of, especially since it was sudden. I can tell you that it will get better, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Be patient with yourself. Are there any support groups in your area? I went to a group that Hospice offered for adults who have lost a parent and that was very helpful. The group has ended, but we are still getting together supporting each other. It does help to talk with people who have experienced the same kind of loss you have. Come here and talk. We all are dealing with grief at one stage or another.

If you are having a hard time with the suddeness of the loss, you may want to try writing a letter to your dad. You may not be ready right now since it has only been a few weeks. But I wrote a letter to my dad telling him all the things that I didn't get a chance to say and it really helped. It was gut-wrenching while I was writing but I felt "lighter" afterward. I took it out to the cemetary and read it to him, which also helped. Also journaling is very helpful when the grief gets to be overwhelming. Just take it one day at a time and be sure to take care of yourself. All the best to you. Hope to hear from you again.

Hugs,
Donna