I'm new and seem to be getting no where

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
I'm new and seem to be getting no where
13
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:11am
Hi everyone, I'm new here. My name is Rochelle and I don't seem to be getting anywhere with my grieving for my son Cameron. He died December 22nd 2004 at the age of 2.5yrs old. We were going to see Santa and something must caught his eyes since he was holding my husband's hand and he pulled out and ran across the road and a station wagon hit him. The driver got away with it and they said it was an accident. I don't seem to have grieved at all for him. I seem to be angry more than anything.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:06am

((((((((HUGS)))))))) Oh many, many hugs.


One of the aspects of grief is anger....I can only imagine how much anger you have.


I am glad you


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 7:25am
Thanks for the hugs. Only hugs I get are from my husband these days. I don't have any support to lean on. I hope I can make some friendship here to help me through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 7:25am

hugs. Losing a baby has got to be such an unbelievably hard thing. No wonder you are angry. I can imagine so many horrible thoughts that haunt and hinder you from going forward. It seems to me that you would be in better shape if you would be able to let go of some of those angry thoughts, but I am loathe to suggest something, because you may not be ready for it yet. Perhaps you still need the anger. On the other hand, you might be artificially holding on to the anger, which is bad for you, and which does nothing for your darling baby. Or you may be ready to put aside the anger, to start to truly grieve over the horrific loss, and finally let your baby take up residence in your heart, where he will be safe forever. What do you think?

I send you lots of strength to get over the upcoming anniversary and holidays.

Sylvia


Sylvia

Life is a journey of many steps, some are great strides, others just tiny shuffles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:06am
Thanks for the advice Sylvia, I'm to scared to let go of the anger and don't want to go through the other pain. I'm so used to being angry that it not doing me any good. I have gained lots of weight since Cameron's death. Somedays I don't want to do nothing and just sleep and others I just want to be so busy and pretend that he still here. Does that make sense? I know Cameron want me be happy but I just can't stop being angry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 12:59pm

((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your son. I can't imagine a greater pain than losing your child. He was so young, and through an accident such as that must be very dificult.

I'm glad you found this board. Many of the women here are able to offer great advice. I lost my boyfriend a little over a month ago, and some of the suggestions from the others here have proven to be very helpful. Although everyones situation is different and everyone grieves differently a lot of the emotions, thoughts and feelings are universal. I hope that you are able to use this board to sort out your emotions and to find comfort and support in your grieving process.

Post as often as you like, if only to write your feelings on "paper".

I'm sure you will be hearing from many of the women here soon.

I send you gentle hugs and support during this dificult anniversary and holiday.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 3:16pm

Have you tried grief therapy. Not regular therapy, but the kind with someone who knows grief.


As much as you don't want to get rid of the anger, holding on to it is hurting you and, as you know, is not what your angel would want.


We will be here for you, I promise.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:10pm
What grief counselling? I never heard of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:42pm

Grief therapy specializes on helping people through losses. My DD went to grief counselling at our local hospice. The group was especially for her age. Our hospice had names of grief therapists also.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:18pm

(((((Rochelle), I'm Barb, the other CL here.

AcornLeaves
Avatar for klmuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 1:13am

I also echo Beth's suggestion of grief or bereavement counseling. You can call your local Hospice, they usually offer it free. Or the other suggestion she offered are all great ones.

Your story just tugged at my heart. You are very insightful that you are holding onto the anger because you don't feel ready to deal with the pain, but as someone pointed out the anger will take it's toll. Anger will do physical damage to your body, and it's been going on for so long. It is scary to think of letting go of the anger & the possibilty of great pain but if you are really ready to move beyond the anger (and your post title sounds like you want to go somewhere other than where you are) a bereavement therapist could prove to be a great support and assist you with this.

Having so much anger takes up so much energy, you must be so tired.

Karen

Pages