Loss of Innocence

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Loss of Innocence
12
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 1:40pm
 

My husband was married before, and when we married, I gladly accepted his sons into our family, The eldest was DH's only by love, not blood or legality. The youngest was his by blood. Didn't matter, they were both his, and therefore, mine. As many of you may know, about 4 years ago (next week) the youngest stopped seeing us. He stopped contacting us a month or so later. DH kept calling once a week, to no avail. We were pretty sure that the reasons, regardless of the one's given, were that we had rules in our house and that there were none at his mom's.


Fast forward to yesterday. My sister mentionned in passing that my niece had found Stepson's myspace site. He is now 20, and has not even contacted his sister, who adored him, in years.  Well, I found my niece's site, and followed her to his. What a mistake that was.


It is a shrine to booze and sex and implied drug use. Ghetto language and ghetto images.  Since his dad and I are both in recovery, we would have known the signs had he still been in contact with us. I am grieving the loss of his innocence, and the loss of the little boy I loved.


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Avatar for annunziata2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 2:47pm
Awww, I am sorry... *hugs*
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 2:48pm

Oh, (((((Beth))))) =(

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 7:58pm

((((((((((Beth))))))))))))))

I am so very sorry. But as hard as it is, maybe it is better to have found out now then to have to get one of those dreaded middle of the night phone calls. Beth, I hope I haven't offeded you by that statement. If I have, I apologize deeply. It is so hard to see a loved one, especially a child lose their way.

We have lost contact with our youngest for about 3 years now and he only lives 35 miles away. He doesn't even want us to know where he lives. He went as far as to tell his daughter i had died. He didn't even come to my mom's funeral. It hurts, and it can hurt really bad. No, hurt like hel*!!!!!

Beth, you must never ever think you or your dh have done anything wrong. You are good people and strong people. I love you sweetie and am sending thousand of cyber hugs.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:04am
I am so sorry Beth!
Avatar for klmuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 9:43am

Oh, Beth. I am so sorry this is going on. What a shock and how scary! Sounds like without you & your husband's rules & guidance, which your son needed as any child does, he got very lost. I hope & pray things will change for him very soon.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 5:02pm

Beth

I am so sorry to hear what you and your dh are going through. But focusing on the should of could of would of will not change anything. There is a chance that he still may find his way. Sometimes people just ahve to fall really far before they realize that they need to start climbing back up.

I Dont know the pain you are in, nor the hurt it must feel, but I am here for you if you want to talk about it, and keep him in your thoughts and prayers that he may yet come back out of this and realize how much he loves you both nad he will be a stronger man because of it.

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Sparkle baby sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 6:27pm

((hugs))

I know how hard it is to see someone you love so much fall into a cycle of hurting himself through drugs, sex and alcohol. It's something that you wish you could have protected them from... and it's so hard to understand why, when and how.

And it really is a loss of innocence.

I pray he will be able to find his way through all of that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:48pm

Thanks Annie


It stinks, but I can do nothing about it. I just pray that the baby is not home when her parents are partying.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:53pm
Despite his excuses, given by other people, we were pretty sure that he was drinking and using soon after he stopped coming over. He know that we would know what he was doing. At least we were sneaky ! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:53pm

((((((GAIL))))))


I can tell you understand. I am sure that we are dead to J now. He wants nothing to do with us. The sad thing is, DD#1 saw him as her hero. It is a blessing now that she doesn't see him, but it doesn't lessen her pain.


He lives about 10 miles from us, and my MIL sees him. I was compelled to tell her about the site and urge her to not give him money...time, diapers for the baby, groceries, but not cash.


I will not check out the site again. I am sure, though, that if something horrid happens, his mother will blame us, but we know where the blame lies.



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