I am lost without my soulmate
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I am lost without my soulmate
| Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:20pm |
I spend Christmas with my kids, it was a good time being around my children and grandchildren,I had to put a face a lot of the time because it was Christmas after all for the kids. Now I life starts, and even when people around me tell me how strong I am, I don't feel strong. I had to go back to work after my husband sudden passing two month ago, and I only did it because I have to support myself. I know I am going through the motions, I keep a face for everyone, but when I am alone I spend the majority of the time crying. I hardly eat, and sleep. I just cannot see a future without him. Especially tonight, I see the end of a year and the beginning of another without him and the only thing I can think is how long do I have to keep on going. I really don't want to keep on going, he was my world and without him I cannot see the purpose of going on. I had the most wonderful man in my life, I know I should be happy because there is no many women that have experience the kind of unconditional love I felt. At the same time after all the things I had to take care of in these few weeks, it suddenly hit me I will not have him next to me again. I finally hit rock bottom, and I don't know if I can get out from it. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a place where I can pour my feelings. I try to listen to music today and I cannot even do that, everything reminds me that he is not coming back. My daughter call me while writting and it is almost like he is trying to give me a hint that there is a purpose. I hope that it gets a little clearer, a little less dark, a little less painful. I don't see how right now.

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I am so sorry about your husband!
CO-CL to Stress and Women, Bereavement and Healing,
Rose, I sometimes think those hints occur more often than we realize.
I just wanted to say....
Every single thought you wrote here... every single one (except about living for your kids as I do not have any)... I have had in the past week, during these holidays. Every single one... and its the worst pain and worst thoughts I have ever had to deal with in my short life.
I wish I had answers for you... for us both.
I send you hugs, and I hope you can find some sort of comfort in knowing that your not alone.
Edited 1/1/2007 4:23 pm ET by razski
I happened to fall in here tonight. I am not in a grieving period of my life now. My husband died 14 years ago, he was my second hubby and not the father of my kids. it is different for us all and yet the same in many ways. I was 53, he was 54. I was happy with him. I also don't see my step kids, they stopped calling. I lost them too.
Holidays, birthdays etc are painful, for years. I remember my mom saying " I hardly remember dad, he has been dead for so long" I sometimes get those thoughts. it was a life a long time ago, like a dream. All of life is like a dream. when he died, I knew he had fulfilled his purpose on the planet, since I was here, i had more to offer life. When we are here, there is a reason. Be sured, grieving passes, we find a way, we find more love in many places. Don't spend life hibernating, keep opening up about your feelings. Go to a grieving group, make chicken soup, let people help you. do little special treats for yourself, a pedicure, massage, whatever makes you feel good. Do not feel guilty when you have a happy moment, see a funny movie. The dead are not DEAD to me, I believe we change energy form. Hey, Einstein said, you cannot kill energy. I know all who have died that i love are here with me. They are truely home now, we are just learning lessons. Hugs, Leila
"I remember my mom saying " I hardly remember dad, he has been dead for so long" I sometimes get those thoughts. it was a life a long time ago, like a dream."
And hearing someone say this... who has lived through what I'm living now... and I know it's inevitable...
THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR. I don't want this to happen. I'm so young, 20 years old and my love is no longer here... it's going to happen and I hate it.
((((((rose2626))))))
I am so sorry for your loss. I can not say that I know exactly what you are going through as I have that kind of relationship with my husband but I still have him, so I could only imagine what you are going through. Sometimes I think to myself, what on earth would I do with out him, he is my life, my soul mate, my lover, my confidant, my best friend.
One thing, that I can say, is that I don;t think that you should hide your feelings from your friends, or family. Give yorself permission to grieve with your children, grandchildren and your friends, talk about him, look at pictures, reminise about all the wonderful things you all did together. This can help your healing process. It definitely takes time to heal. Talk to your grnadchildren about their grandfather, remind them of what a wonderful person he was, and show them pictures and it doesn't matter if you cry. I believe it is good for children to see emotions.
I know that the clouds are very dark right now, but you know, they will not remain dark forever, as the sun will come out again. I also understand that the nights are very diffiuclt for you, because when my dad passed on 27 years ago, my mom had a very hard time at night. What my mom did for many years after she lost her love of her life, was she sat at night and she wrote to him, she wrote poems and letters. A few years later, my husband and I were sitting in her family room and she wanted to read a letter that she wrote to him and when she did, all three of us sat and tears just fell down our faces. Actually, my mom has passed away now it is going to be 2 years on the 22nd, and when we were cleaning out her apt. we found all those letters and poems. You know, I really think that what she did, helped her a great deal. Perhaps you can try writting to him and let him know how you feel.
So, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and that I am always here for you whenever you need a soft place to fall. Please keep intouch, and let me know how you are doing.
Miriam
Leila
Thanks for your perspective and welcome. We love to hear from people who have hope to give
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