Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Any advice?
33
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:42pm

My Mother and I were best friends. She just passed away on Decemeber 14th. I miss her so much but sometimes I feel as if she is going to walk through the front door. My Mother died of breast cancer and she fought so hard for 4 years. She only decided to go on Hospice a week before she passed. I knew my Mother's cancer would kill her someday so I tried to prepare myself as much as I could. I always imagined myself and my siblings being with her until the end and it being very spiritual. My mothers death was nothing like that. Although we were all there she suffered until literally the last minute. I feel so guilty that I prayed as hard as I could for God to let my Mom die. I also feel guilty that that day I was pressured by my sibling to tell my Mom that it is okay to go. I told her, but I lied. The truth is is that its not okay. I still need her. I am haunted by visions of my Mother suffering. everyone always tells me she's in a better place now. That may be true and I may be selfish but I don't want her there, I want her here because I miss her too much. Does anyone have any advice on how to let go of this feeling, I want to be okay with her in "a better place" and I need to sleep, how do I get these visions out of my head?? any help will be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure where else to go. My fiance is no help he just gets angry because he thinks im telling him to fix my problem.

Melissa

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:23pm
You are the second person to recommend that book to me. I plan on buying it this weekend. Thank you. You may be right about the signs. I don't know know why but I expect to hear her voice or see her spirit. Just hopefull???

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:30pm

Michele,

I do know how your are feeling. I too was very close with my Mom and some days when I think its getting easier the next minute i'm reduced to crying even screaming episodes. I'm not sure when this hurt eases itself but I have found that it does help to talk to people that know exactly what you are feeling. I hope that I can be some support to you. I promise to let you know of anything that helps me. I too have thought about cousilling but honestly I don't know if I will find the time. I think thats part of my problem, i never have time to let it out so it explodes at times I do not expect.

Take care Michele, and please know that I am here even if you don't want any advice but to just vent.

Melissa

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:16pm
MELISSA,HI.I'M SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR MOM.AND THE SONG SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A SIGN FROM HER.MY MOM DIED TWO YEARS AGO SHE WAS 49.HER MOTHER DIED 36 DAYS BEFORE THAT WITH LUNG CANCER AND THEN MY MOM TOOK HER OWN LIFE BY SUICIDE.I HAD JUST HAD A NEW BABY HE WAS TWO DAYS OLD WHEN GRANDMA DIED AND 38 DAYS OLD WHEN MY MOM DIED.IT WAS A DOUBLE WHAMMY.I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL I WAS IN SUCH SHOCK AND WAS SO NUMB.MY MOM CALLED ME BEFORE AND TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME,I KNEW SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT SO I STARTED PRAYING THAT THE LORD TAKE CARE OF HER.SHE WAS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH HER MOM DYING SHE COULDN'T GET PAST IT.I HAD A HARD TIME AND EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE MYSELF BUT THANK GOD I GOT MY MIND STRAIGHTENED OUT.I HAD TO GO TO COUNCELING,I DIDN'T WANT TO BUT I KNEW I NEEDED IT.I ALSO GOT SOME PROZAC FOR THE DEPRESSION AND SLEEPING MEDICINE TO HELP ME SLEEP.I DREAM ABOUT MY MOM ALL THE TIME,MOSTLY EVERYDAY THINGS.I THINK ITS THE WAY I DEAL WITH IT.I WENT TO COUNCELING TWO TIMES A MONTH FOR AT LEAST SIX MONTHS,IT GAVE ME THE TIME I NEEDED TO CRY IT OUT.I MISS MY MOM ALOT LIKE TODAY ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND SHE ISN'T HERE.I HOPE THIS HELPS,I MUST SAY JUST HANG IN THERE AND PRAY FOR GODS FAVOR IN YOUR LIFE AND TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH THE HEARTACHE.I AM HERE FOR YOU DAY OR NIGHT,LOVE AND HUGS,LAURA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 9:36am

Wow, I can't imagine how terrible that must have fealt for you. I am truly sorry that you had a double whammy of a loss. Thank you for telling me your story. It helps to hear how other people are feeling and dealing with their grief. It makes me think im more normal than I thought. Thank you and god bless you.

Melissa

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:55pm
Jen, you mentioned that you did some reading about the afterlife.
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:01pm

Miriam, you have so much wisdom to share!



  • I did not and never did feel guilty for asking God to take him as I will always remember his face while he was suffering and after he stopped breathing. The pain in his face just killed me, and then........there was a calmness and the wrinkiles in his face were smooth and there was no more pain.
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:06pm

Can you write out your feelings when you experience that "emotional breakdown"?

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:19pm

(((((Michele))))), I want to welcome you to our board.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:27pm

(((((Laura))))), what a terrible blow your double losses were!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:45pm
yes, I thought about a grief counsiler through hospice. I am not sure who to contact though. I have heard of all these great services that hospice provides but unfortunatly my Mom was only with Hospice one week before she passed away. The only thing I seen Hospice do for her was get her a new bed. I am not sure if it is customary for them to contact the family after but I have not heard from them. Is this normal for hospice?

Melissaphoto