Any advice?
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| Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:42pm |
My Mother and I were best friends. She just passed away on Decemeber 14th. I miss her so much but sometimes I feel as if she is going to walk through the front door. My Mother died of breast cancer and she fought so hard for 4 years. She only decided to go on Hospice a week before she passed. I knew my Mother's cancer would kill her someday so I tried to prepare myself as much as I could. I always imagined myself and my siblings being with her until the end and it being very spiritual. My mothers death was nothing like that. Although we were all there she suffered until literally the last minute. I feel so guilty that I prayed as hard as I could for God to let my Mom die. I also feel guilty that that day I was pressured by my sibling to tell my Mom that it is okay to go. I told her, but I lied. The truth is is that its not okay. I still need her. I am haunted by visions of my Mother suffering. everyone always tells me she's in a better place now. That may be true and I may be selfish but I don't want her there, I want her here because I miss her too much. Does anyone have any advice on how to let go of this feeling, I want to be okay with her in "a better place" and I need to sleep, how do I get these visions out of my head?? any help will be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure where else to go. My fiance is no help he just gets angry because he thinks im telling him to fix my problem.
Melissa


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Melissa
Michele,
I do know how your are feeling. I too was very close with my Mom and some days when I think its getting easier the next minute i'm reduced to crying even screaming episodes. I'm not sure when this hurt eases itself but I have found that it does help to talk to people that know exactly what you are feeling. I hope that I can be some support to you. I promise to let you know of anything that helps me. I too have thought about cousilling but honestly I don't know if I will find the time. I think thats part of my problem, i never have time to let it out so it explodes at times I do not expect.
Take care Michele, and please know that I am here even if you don't want any advice but to just vent.
Melissa
Melissa
Wow, I can't imagine how terrible that must have fealt for you. I am truly sorry that you had a double whammy of a loss. Thank you for telling me your story. It helps to hear how other people are feeling and dealing with their grief. It makes me think im more normal than I thought. Thank you and god bless you.
Melissa
Melissa
Miriam, you have so much wisdom to share!
Can you write out your feelings when you experience that "emotional breakdown"?
(((((Michele))))), I want to welcome you to our board.
(((((Laura))))), what a terrible blow your double losses were!
Melissa
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