Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Any advice?
33
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:42pm

My Mother and I were best friends. She just passed away on Decemeber 14th. I miss her so much but sometimes I feel as if she is going to walk through the front door. My Mother died of breast cancer and she fought so hard for 4 years. She only decided to go on Hospice a week before she passed. I knew my Mother's cancer would kill her someday so I tried to prepare myself as much as I could. I always imagined myself and my siblings being with her until the end and it being very spiritual. My mothers death was nothing like that. Although we were all there she suffered until literally the last minute. I feel so guilty that I prayed as hard as I could for God to let my Mom die. I also feel guilty that that day I was pressured by my sibling to tell my Mom that it is okay to go. I told her, but I lied. The truth is is that its not okay. I still need her. I am haunted by visions of my Mother suffering. everyone always tells me she's in a better place now. That may be true and I may be selfish but I don't want her there, I want her here because I miss her too much. Does anyone have any advice on how to let go of this feeling, I want to be okay with her in "a better place" and I need to sleep, how do I get these visions out of my head?? any help will be greatly appreciated. I'm not sure where else to go. My fiance is no help he just gets angry because he thinks im telling him to fix my problem.

Melissa

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:06pm

I am not sure about that.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:25pm

Thank you Barb, but.....I can not take all the credit for all I know. I have to give that credit to a wonderful, wise and an extremely intelligent women, my mother. She had taught me all I know today, and I am so thankful to her.

I miss her terribly and love her so much.

Thanks again Barb,

Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:52pm

Hi,
Sure I'd be glad to.

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 4:15pm
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE.ITS NICE TO KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE,WE ALL STRUGGLE ON THE INSIDE,BUT WE CAN MAKE IT--JUST LIVE FOR TODAY AND THE REST WILL FALL IN PLACE.TIME CAN HEAL ALOT,WE DON'T FORGET BUT WE GET THROUGH IT.THANKS FOR YOUR SWEET WORDS AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY,LAURA
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:25pm

Hey Melissa,

I went to the doctor Thursday and she put me on prozac and a sleeping pill. I have started the prozac but I don't feel any different. I just can't stop crying I miss my Dad so much. He was an awesome man. It still so hard to believe that he is gone. It's hard to talk to any of my friends they still have their dad. When I try to talk to my husband he just thinks I should be strong it will be again. I'm scared to talk to my mom because she is so emotional too and I don't want to get her upset. You know it's weird because during the last two weeks before my dad died I thought I did very well. During the services I did ok. But now I'm not doing ok.

How are you doing? I will talk to you soon

Miche

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:30pm

Thank you for the warm welcome. I really appricate that. It's so nice I know I can come here and vent or just talk.

Thank you,
Michele

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 2:50pm
It takes 10-14 days sometimes for anti-depressants to make a discernable difference. Don't give up hope.



Beth


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:42pm
To add to Beth's note, you may even continue to observe progressive improvement for as much as 6 to 8 weeks!

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AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 9:26pm

I, too, told my father in 1994 that it was time to go. It was so painful as I stood next to his bed watching my mother who was happily married to him for 40 years tell him it was okay to go. But the fact of the matter was we had no choice. Each time my mother said that to him (he was sedated so his eyes were closed) his heart monitor would beep LOUDLY and it was pure torture. We have no choice.....we have to let them off the hook. My father was not ready to go but who is?? We had to let him know that we would be fine without him...we aren't and we never will regardless. I never felt guilty about it because I didn't have a choice.

I am sorry for your loss but you need to lighten up on yourself a bit and think the good thoughts about your mother. I hope this has helped.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 3:02pm

Hi Michele,

I know what you are going through. When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer I thought that when the time came, and my Mom died they would have to put my in a mental institution because I didn't think I could handle that. But, when the time came, I fealt scared instead of insane. The funeral I was okay too. But now, its only been a little over 4 weeks and I feel alone. When my fiance and I get into an argument or one of my children are being challenging the first person I want to talk to is my Mom. Losing a parent or both is very challenging itself, but we will get through it. Even if some days we may feel to overwhellemed with grief. I'm just about finished reading a book called "last gifts" It is really good. It has helped me realize and recall a lot of the things my Mom when through and said in her final days. It has been somewhat of a healing for me. Even though it doesn't touch to much on grief I highly recomend it.
Hugs,
Melissa

Melissaphoto