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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
new here
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Fri, 01-19-2007 - 12:08am

Hey. I justed started crying and needed an outlet. My husband tries to help but he doesn't know what to do. I needed to talk with someone about this.

The second week of December, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in the last stage. A few years ago, my mom had two "mini strokes" and after that she was diagnosed with COPD. So I figured eventually she would end up with lung cancer.

Her health had been deteriorating especialy over the last year. I have a three year old daughter and I didn't ask my mom to keep her unless my dad would be there. Because I knew that it would be too much for mom.

My mom was my very best friend. I am the only girl. She died very suddenly on January 5th. Not even a month after the diagnoses. Mom decided not to have treatment because it had already spread to the fluid surrounding her heart. The only option left was hospice. She stayed on the hospice unit for three weeks (because she was requiring so much oxygen). She wanted to go home so badly. The nurses had weaned her oxygen down enough to go home. We got her home and she died about 45 minutes later. I had prayed that God would take her quickly so that she would not have to suffer and that I could be there. He granted both my requests. I do not regret my prayers. I just feel so lost and numb. We buried her on Janurary 8th. I haven't cried much since then. I don't know why. I miss her terribly. I know that it hasn't been that long, but my heart longs to talk to her. I have been reading a book called "90 minutes in heaven" and this has given me some peace. I just needed to "talk".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:23am

Come and talk here any time. You are welcome here and among friends.


Take it slow and easy for a while. Do only the things that must get done. Pamper yourself and snuggle that little one. Tell your DH that holding you helps...and it will, I promise.


Moms are special people...and I am pretty sure that even though I can't see mine anymore (she died in 2001), she is with me still.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:56am
Hello, I am new here as well. I can relate to your experiences very well. My Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago but it spread to her bones,and lungs. Like your Mother, once the cancer hit her lungs it took her with in a month. Like your husband my fiance didn't know what to do to help me. I fealt like I shouldn't have to tell him what to do. I have come to the realization that some Men just want to fix the problem and when they can't they feel incompitant and unsuportive. My fiance has said he just wants to protect me from my hurt. Another factor is has your husband ever dealt with the death of someone close to him? My fiance hasn't and he himself didn't know what to do and was battleing with his own feelings about my Mom. I understand how theraputic it can be to just vent. I am glad that I have found this board because it has given me the oppurtunity to do so. I hope that you will find it as helpfull. Weather you want to post or just read other peoples storys. You really realize that you are not alone, especially when you feel like you are. My Mom was my best friend too and I understand what it feels like to loose your number one supporter. Please know that if you ever want to vent that I am here too.
Blessings,
Melissa

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:13pm

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your precious mother, my sincere condolences to you and your family.


The bond of mother and daughter is an incredibly powerful one. It's wonderful that you shared a loving and very close relationship, the two of you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:13pm
Your loving kindness means so very much to me. I didn't realize how much I needed to just vent. My husband has never lost anyone this close before. Like many other men, my husband thinks that the sooner that I go back to work and try to get on with my life the easier it will be to get over this. I am so tired of people telling me that it will take a while to get over. I lost my mom, my best friend. I will never completely get over this, I do know that it will get easier with time. My husband's family is a close knit family but they usually bottle up their feelings. Last night after I posted my message, I couldn't sleep so I went to work out. I usually don't have trouble sleeping but last night I did. Thanks again for your sweet words.
Allyson
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:19pm
Thanks so very much. I really think this is already starting to help. It is so nice to know that there are people everywhere experiencing the same thing. I know that my mom will always be with me. I just miss her so much. I feel jealous of other people who still have their moms. I know I shouldn't but I do. Right after she died, I said to someone "how am I going to be a mom without my own mom." I just used to call her when I didn't know what to do and she usually had an answer but not always. Thanks again.
Allyson
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:45pm

Welcome to our board, (((((Allyson))))).

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:29pm
Thanks for the helpful information. I might try that later. I really appreciate it. It is nice to know that there are people there just to listen.
Allyson
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:42pm
Your sweet words are so thoughtful. It has been so nice to hear from so many different people. It is also nice that there are people out there to listen. Thanks so much for letting me know that what I am feeling is normal because I thought that there was something wrong with me. When I think back, I always thought I would be a "basketcase" when she died. I wasn't. I kept it together pretty good. I had alot of people praying for me and my family. Thanks again.
Allyson
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:48am

Allyson - my sympathies to you and your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:18am
Karyn, have you talked to a grief counselor?
AcornLeaves

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