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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
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Fri, 01-19-2007 - 12:08am

Hey. I justed started crying and needed an outlet. My husband tries to help but he doesn't know what to do. I needed to talk with someone about this.

The second week of December, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in the last stage. A few years ago, my mom had two "mini strokes" and after that she was diagnosed with COPD. So I figured eventually she would end up with lung cancer.

Her health had been deteriorating especialy over the last year. I have a three year old daughter and I didn't ask my mom to keep her unless my dad would be there. Because I knew that it would be too much for mom.

My mom was my very best friend. I am the only girl. She died very suddenly on January 5th. Not even a month after the diagnoses. Mom decided not to have treatment because it had already spread to the fluid surrounding her heart. The only option left was hospice. She stayed on the hospice unit for three weeks (because she was requiring so much oxygen). She wanted to go home so badly. The nurses had weaned her oxygen down enough to go home. We got her home and she died about 45 minutes later. I had prayed that God would take her quickly so that she would not have to suffer and that I could be there. He granted both my requests. I do not regret my prayers. I just feel so lost and numb. We buried her on Janurary 8th. I haven't cried much since then. I don't know why. I miss her terribly. I know that it hasn't been that long, but my heart longs to talk to her. I have been reading a book called "90 minutes in heaven" and this has given me some peace. I just needed to "talk".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 10:10am

I have a very loving husband. He can't handle situations like death very well but since the loss of my sister 3 weeks ago he has been there for me. I think he cried more than I did. When I would just 'break down' he would just come and hold me and let me get it all out. He didn't have to say a word, he was (and still is) just there!!! When I talk about my sister now, I don't cry but he tears up. He gives me my space when I just want to be by myself but is close enough to be there at my side when I need him. I think he loved my sister almost as much as I did and I thank God he is there for me.

This site has been a Godsend for me. I have my own posting about my sister and have read others postings and it has really helped me sort out my feelings (or lack of). This site reaffirms my faith that there are a lot of really good caring people in this world.

God Bless all of you for caring!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
In reply to: momtoolivia2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 11:11am
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope I never get over the loss either. I feel like if I do then I might forget her. If that makes sense. I know that people really don't know what to say, but I have to admit that I am tired of being asked "how are you doing". I love my husband so very much but like you I have been disappointed in his ability to comfort me. The other night I really needed him to sit on the couch and hold me but he was "too tired". The next day, I told him how much that hurt me. Then he apologized. Like you said, there is no real comfort. Thanks for your sweet words.

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