Numb after sisters death

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Numb after sisters death
14
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:58am

I am new to this forum. My sister passed away Dec. 29, 2006 after a very long battle with cancer. She was only 54 years old. She died at home and I was with her at the time. I thought I would die from the pain of her passing. She wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend. She was only 12 months younger than me.

My problem is: the first week I did nothing but cry. Now I just feel numb. I can look at pictures of her, talk about her and make myself think about her and I don't feel anything. I know I miss her and will miss her for the rest of my life but I just don't feel any emotions right now. I feel guilty if I laugh about anything; I feel guilty if I don't cry and am very matter-of-fact when I talk about her; but I don't cry. I feel there is something wrong with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 8:54am
hi,hugs to you.it is so normal to feel that way.i too did the same thing when my mom died two years ago she was 49.its hard to know how to react to situations.but your body is trying to do it for you.don't beat yourself up,you are going through a loss.i'm here for you please keep posting to let us know how you are,laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:40am
Thank you!!! I have never lost anyone this close to me before. I know that everyone grieves in their own way but I feel that I have NO emotions at this time and that seems strange to me. I don't know how I can go from crying uncontrolably to not really feeling anything at all. I have always felt that I had to be STRONG for the rest of the family, maybe because I am the oldest of 6 children. I was suppose to take care of and protect my younger siblings and I couldn't help my sister, other than being there for her in any way she wanted or needed. But I couldn't make her better. I know that she is in a better place and is not hurting anymore but I still want her here with me. I assume that I will cry for her loss sometime but this non-emotional state I am in right now is so confusing to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:43am

My sister died on December 10, 2004. She had a long battle with lupus. She was 47. Like you, I experienced a period of numbness. It passed...and then I wished it hadn't. The pain has lessened now, but it was bad for a while.


Please know that you are experiencing something normal, and welcome to our board...we know what you are feeling.



Beth


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:55am
I appreciate your kindness and understanding, even if I don't understand my feelings (or lack of) myself. I have dear friends I can talk to and loving family members also that I am very close to but it somehow seems easier to talk to strangers about my feelings. That might sound strange to some people but that is the way I have always been. I think that finding this forum on ivillage will be a great help to me in the very long process of grieving that I know I will be going through. I will miss my sister forever!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 12:14pm
hi again,thanks for writing back.bless you,i know its hard right now and i hope in time things will be better for you.i was the only girl and i have two brothers so i felt like i had to be the stronge one as well and you know thats alot of pressure on us.sometimes we have to do whats best for us and not do for everyone else.all that does is make you tired and depressed- that maybe why you can't really grieve for her now because your doing it for everyone else.please know you are in my thoughts,and please take care of you,thats what your sister would want,laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 2:49pm

I''m very sorry to hear of the sad loss of your cherished sister, my deepest condolences to you and your family.


As the other ladies have verified, feeling of numbness are very common.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:49pm
That feeling of no feelings is normal!
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:38pm
Hello. I am new here too. I lost my mom exactly two weeks ago today. She was diagnosed with lung cancer the second week of December and died less than a month later. I do understand your feelings. My mom was my best friend. I cried alot prior to her death and then about a week after. I was with her when she died. I think that was my special gift from God to be able to be there with her. I feel the same way you do. I feel numb. I look at pictures and I feel nothing. From what people have said, this is completely normal. I joined the board last night when I just started crying which I haven't done in several days. I have already received notes from a couple of the ladies. It has been very encouraging. Hope it will be for you also.
Allyson
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:36am

Im so sorry to read of your loss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:51am
I appreciate EVERYONES caring. It has helped me understand this phase of grieving. My sister was diagnosed with lung cancer in July, 1998. She never gave up and did everything she could to fight this awful disease. She worked until Nov. 4, 2006. I don't know how she did it. She was in pain all of the time. The last month of her life she had to have someone with her all of the time. Her son, our mother and myself took turns staying with her. Her last day, Friday, Dec. 29, 2006, was my day to be with her and I am so glad for that. She was so afraid of being in pain and feeling like she was suffocating. We talked about that a lot. Thankfully she fell asleep in her chair and just stopped breathing. She got her wish in the end, she went in her sleep. God does answer prayers!!! I didn't want to lose her but it was hard to see her suffer. Even knowing what the final outcome was it didn't make it any easier when she passed. I know she is not suffering anymore and that I will see her again. That helps some but I will always miss her. She was my BEST FRIEND!!!

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