Numb after sisters death

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Numb after sisters death
14
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 7:58am

I am new to this forum. My sister passed away Dec. 29, 2006 after a very long battle with cancer. She was only 54 years old. She died at home and I was with her at the time. I thought I would die from the pain of her passing. She wasn't just my sister, she was my best friend. She was only 12 months younger than me.

My problem is: the first week I did nothing but cry. Now I just feel numb. I can look at pictures of her, talk about her and make myself think about her and I don't feel anything. I know I miss her and will miss her for the rest of my life but I just don't feel any emotions right now. I feel guilty if I laugh about anything; I feel guilty if I don't cry and am very matter-of-fact when I talk about her; but I don't cry. I feel there is something wrong with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 10:10pm

You're in shock and allow yourself to not feel for now. I am so sorry for your loss and there isn't a good way to go through the grieving process. I hope you can find solace in her memories and the love you shared.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:21am

My husband died of cancer at age 44 on June 30, 2005. I remember the numbness - I even remember going to a July 4th party - 4 days after he died - and playing with my daughter in the pool and laughing. Later I wondered if people thought I was crazy or totally uncaring, but that's where I was then. There's nothing wrong with you. The numbness is normal. It's your mind's way of protecting itself. It will wear off. It's part of the grief process. It's a long road ahead of you. The hard stuff of grief comes later after the newness of the situation wears off.

Blessings,
Maria

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2007
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:50am

I am beginning to hope that the numbness doesn't wear off. The pain of losing my sister was almost unbearable and the thought of going through that again at some point really scares me.

Quite a few of my family members and friends tell me that I should 'get away' for a few days. My husband and I haven't gone anywhere for vacation (even just an overnight stay) for the last 4 years. I was afraid to be very far from home because of my sister. She could 'get bad' so quick. Now I kind of want to get away for a long weekend (when the weather gets warm) but then I think, the only reason I can go anywhere is because my sister is no longer here and I doubt that I would be able to enjoy the trip. Warm weather is a ways off so I will have to wait and see how I feel at that time.

I know that there will be things 'out of the blue' that will upset me but at this point nothing seems to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:30pm

I read your post about going on vacation. We took care of my sister, and didn't go on vacation. Then, last Memorial Day, we decided to go to Virginia. First vacation in 10 years!!


The 25 month old got sick and we spent the weekend with her in a hospital in Virginia.



Beth


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