Dealing with Suicide 3 years later
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| Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:01pm |
I am not sure if this board is okay for dealing with suicide deaths. I guess in my own opinion, death is death no matter how it happens but if there is a more suitable board please let me know about it. I can't find it right now.
Today is the third anniversary of my father's suicide. We had no idea of his own inner struggle and this was a complete shock to us all. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever been confronted with and unfortunately, I am realizing in the last 4 months that I have not truly confronted my feelings and grieved my father's death. Three years later...During these three years I have become a workaholic, irritable and moody, repressed, pushed my friends away, and suffered in silence. From the momment my dad passed I assumed the role of the 'strong one' for my mom and brother. Everyone was so worried that my brother would take my dad's death the wrong way and feel extreme guilt immediately (he was a bit of a trouble maker---I believe more for attention from my dad, but that is a completely different discussion). I took on this idea that I had to seem 'perfect' and 'fine' around them so that I could help them get better, going home and being miserable and unhappy. I stopped having sex with my boyfriend and stopped living altogether. I didn't laugh from deep within anymore and enjoy the things I did in the past. I started counseling about a year after his death but didn't stick with it. I am trying my hardest to get myself back after my father's very selfish act and me trying to help everyone else deal with it I am going to help myself.
Journaling seems to help with me dealing with my feelings toward my dad and counseling has helped immensely. I have written three or four letters to my dad since this has happened and I listen to music we played during the funeral and his favorite bands, etc. I am finally making my mom talk to me about her true feelings about what has happened. That is something our family never did...talk about our feelings. So this is all new to me. Does anyone have any other suggestions to help deal with the pain??
I was also hoping people could give me advice on how to deal and relate to my boyfriend and getting us back on track. We have tumbled out of control in our relationship after my dad's death. We lived together and he eventually turned to another woman during the last year and a half on and off. I love him dearly and he loves me dearly...we just seemed to lose each other during all of this. Neither of us had great role-models in our families to turn to when we started this downward-spiral...but I want him in my life and now that I am starting to get back on track with my dad's death...I want him more than ever. Does anyone have any advice on relationships and sustaining them after a death in the family?
I know my life probably seems crazy and you probably think this is all a joke...but it isn't. I wish it was....

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Hi and Welcome
I am sorry that I didn't welcome you when you first posted. We had a death in the family and I was dealing with family issues.
I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that your boyfriend didn't have the stamina needed. I don't know the details, and don't know what your relationship was, so I can't comment specifically. I do know that loving someone dearly means sticking by them, no matter what. I would suggest couple's counseling.
Suicide is tremendously difficult on the survivors. It is horrid because, in our loss we also have great anger. The anger can keep us from healing, if we hold on to it.
Please know that you are very welcome here.
Beth
Proud to be co-cl for
Hi Julie
Thanks for the great advice you gave. I am sorry I didn't say hi sooner.
Beth
Proud to be co-cl for
Hi Kiki
You said exactly what I was thinking...but said it so much better!
Thanks for a great post.
Beth
Proud to be co-cl for
First let me say how sorry I am for what you've been through.
I lost my brother to suicide nearly ten years ago and I'm familiar with the feeling of "I need to seem ok". Something to remember is it's ok to not be alright, you went through a traumatic life change.
One of the things that helped me was going to a therapist which I didn't do until several years after. I also found talking about him, not just his death but his life helped me get some perspective.
As to your relationship sitting down and talking it out is a good first step when having any relationship problems. If that's not enough counseling may help.
Good luck. You're not alone.
I am heartsick at your loss and your
(((((Marilyn))))), please know that you are in my prayers.
I'm so very sorry for your sad
Marilyn, I am so very for the loss of your dear son. My heart aches for you, and for all who have lost a loved one in this devastating way. He sounds like such a wonderful and caring
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