Too many losses lately :(
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 02-19-2007 - 7:06pm |
I have lost too many people in the last 2 years. My mil died in July/2005, bil Sept/2005, my mother Sept/2006 my fil Nov/2006.
My sister is lossing her battle with cancer. She has officailly entered the "death watch" stage of the whole horrible process. Sorry if it sounds cold but how else do you put it? I am so upset I just want to scream. I wake up at 5:00am and my first thought is "my sister is dying" NOOOOOOOOOO. Then I check to see if I missed any calls.
I live in Bucharest Romania so I am too far away to go sit with her. I did get to spend a week with her in Dec. She was doing great, so I am so glad my husband suggested that I visit her. I just feel so far away from home. I will fly home for the funeral, but it is so exhausting. Preparing to go..... traveling there......customs.....airports....security checkpoints....the funeral.....crying and trying to fill every single minute with family because who knows...who is next.......Then the jet lag on the way back is really hard, maybe because you didn't sleep because you know you have soo little time with your family and then a week or 2 of adjustment. I know I sound selfish but I feel so overwhelmed, and I wish my sister wasn't dying, but she is.
I feel guilty but this is just too much. I just feel so vulnerable right now. I don't even have the words...which is so rare for me. I am NEVER at a loss for words.
Please don't misread this and assume that it is all about me. I just really needed to vent.
Debra


You don't ever have to appologize here.
What an unfair thing for you and your family to have to go through... so many significant loses in such a close time span. I can't imagine the pain of losing someone and before you even begin to heal another loss right on top of it.
It is very stressful and very hard, physically and emotionally.
I'm so sorry to learn about your losses and your sisters condition. I will keep her in my prayers.
Feel free to talk here about anything you like, especially if it helps take some of it away.
Debra, welcome!
I am Beth, one of the cls here. As Razki said, don't even THINK about apologizing here. First, because we understand and second, because here, it can be all about you.
I have also lost too many too soon. Mom died in 2001, my sister in 2004, a grandparent just a few weeks ago. Then there have been the close calls. My dad has had some heart issues, a beloved uncle and aunt have both been diagnosed with cancer, and now a close friend has been as well.
Sometimes it is just enough to want to pull the covers over my head and say NO MORE.
But, of course, that isn't possible.
So I come here. I tell my cyber friends, who respond with love and unconditional acceptance.
You and your sister and whole family are in my thoughts.
Beth
Proud to be co-cl for
There is nothing selfish about being overwhelmed and burdened by the loss of our loved ones. It is a lot of work and for you having to plan ahead for the death of your sister has to be impossibly painful. We all would like to focus mainly on our loved one but real life enters into it and it becomes all so difficult. Please do not allow yourself to feel selfish with everything you are feeling.
I am so sorry for your losses and I know when they come quickly together like that it isn't any easier. Loss is loss.......give yourself some "me" time. Not sure what your schedule is each day but take some time out to feel the pressure and breathe through it. What is important is how you take care of yourself during this time. Is counseling a viable option for you because it sure helped me.
Kiki
(((((Debra))))), how painful this must be for you.