Anybody have a crystal ball I can borrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Anybody have a crystal ball I can borrow
8
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 4:13pm

I only need it for a short time and I promise I will return it in perfect condition.

Thank you all for your support on my last post I was really afraid to post because it was all about what a hassle it all is. Thank you for permission to be less than excited about travel home for a funeral. Ok the funeral is the good part of the whole thing. Very comforting, family gathering to show love and support and celebrate life and grieve death. The part that sucks is that it is for MY SISTER. I need to let my self be angry. That is where I am in the grief process.

I am just really torn. Pat my sister who I truly love....Is dying....but when????? I want to be there to hold her and comfort her but I live so far away (Romania) so since I can't be there in time I have chosen to fly home for the funeral.....but my other sisters are flying there now and if she lingers they will not stay for the funeral. They have decided her needs while she is alive are paramount. I am thankful they will be there, but at a time like this I really NEED my sisters too.

I have decided this is out of my control and I will have to accept that it will not conform to my wishes. It will not happen the way I really need it to. But I guess if I really had a choice in the matter it would be talking to my healthy sister on the phone for years to come......but this is NOT mutiple choice it is reality...and it bites. There really is no easy way to leave this life is there all the options really suck and we don't decide how it goes.

I have decided to arrive Friday. Kind of a tag team effort. I will arrive to support my sisters who are flying tomorrow and relieve them if needed, and to be there for my sister, Pat's, kids. I don't want her to die but I don't want her to linger....because if we all rush to her side and then she lingers....we have to go home and her kids are left alone. What is the right choice????? Now......later.....now....later. Support as she dies or support her kids afterwords. Her "kids" are not kids they are adults...but are you ever old enough to loose your MOTHER????????? Their father is alive but of no comfort...long story.

Thank you for letting me vent...again...any btdt help would be great.

Debra

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 4:24pm

Aw Debra


I wish I could help. I wish my crystal ball worked. You are right, it stinks not knowing. Is there anyone who could point blank ask the DR or nurses if they have a best guess for you.


My sister lives out of state. She wanted to come home when Mama was dying, but didn't make it. She decided not to come home when our sister Geri was dying, even though I desparately wanted her here.


You have to do what is best for you. You saw your sister when she was alert enough to remember you.


Again, wish I could help.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 7:15pm

(((((Sweetie)))))

Vent all you need to. Has anyone contacted hospice, they are wonderful. When dh's mom was dying we had hospice and they gave a phamplet on the process and what to expect. They had it down to the last day and as far away as 6 months. It hit the nail everytime. How the breathing will be, any conservations. I wish I would have gotten one, only because it really helped my dh's family. But I would have someone contact hospice.

Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:29am

I think I like the idea of spending time with your ill sister and your other sisters all at once. Missing the funeral would be difficult but having that quality time with all of them will be a moment that you will cherish all your life. It's all about the living and who knows (because we don't have a crystal ball) what will happen going forward. The time we spend with our family is precious and I hope that you find comfort in spending time with your sisters. I think that is a phenomenal choice.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 10:04am

Well, my sister made the decision easier for all of us. She passed away February 21 2007. At her home with her children around her. We (her sisters)where enroute. I am in NC right now her funeral was yesterday and beautiful. I miss her but I am glad she is no longer in pain and that she didn't linger. A very close friend came over the day before she died and created a scene. Demanding she be hooked up to an IV becaseu her daughter's were killing her. I think her friend wasn't ready to say goodbye and didn't realize that pat's life was over.

Thank you so much for all your support.

Debra

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 1:18pm
(((((Debra))))), my condolences to you and your family on your sister's passing.
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 4:28pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your sisters passing. She was lucky to have her family around her... and I'm glad that you got to be there for her funeral.

Come back to the board if you need to talk at all... we are all here to listen. Be caring to yourself.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 6:00am

I am so sorry for you loss.


I am also feeling great pity for that friend. My uncle did the same thing when Mama was dying.



Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:17pm

My sympathies are with you and your family. I am sorry to hear about that friend making a scene when what was needed was peace. Some people do have a different way of handling their grief.

Kiki