8-24-06...My Grandpa.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
8-24-06...My Grandpa.....
7
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:26am

Hello everyone, I found this board through someone's sig at the tattoo and piercing board and had to come here and unload. I hope this is ok.

On August 24th 2006 my grandpa, a healthy 87 year old man, was hit by a car and killed while crossing the street to get the mail.

The whole day was just surreal. I was home with my 4 boys, my DH had just gone back to work a few days early to prepare for the upcoming semester (He's a college professor) and my car was in the shop. At 1:39PM I get a phone call from my mom, which was odd because we just had spoke with each other a few minutes before. She is hysterical and all she says is "Grandpa just got hit by a car" and I hear the phone drop. I cry, panic and then think to myself....'there is no way he's hurt, he'll be fine'. He was one of those people who were always falling and he was just clumsy but never got hurt. I wait for her to call back. The minutes lasted an eternity. My dad was away at work, but I called him to see if he knew *anything* Come to find out, he didn't even know, my mom had only called me. I called DH in the mean time and made him come home, called a neighbor to come sit with my boys, then started making calls to my aunts. DH came home and we went to my mom's (My parents and my grandfather lived next door to each other always)

A drive that took 10 mins seemed to take forever. On the way there I noticed that there was an awful lot of traffic on the backroads. It never dawned on me until I pulled out of the back road and was stopped that the road was blocked off because of him. The man who was standing at one end of the road wouldn't let us through and I just kept crying "But its my grandpa, please let us through" He just didn't get it, so DH drove by him anyways.

When we got there there was so many cops and ambulances and the helecopter was there. All the neighbors were lining the road and most were crying. I imagined the worst. I ran down to find my mom who had gone home to call me, my brothers and my dad and pack up for the hospital and she told me that he was talking, he wasn't bleeding bad, but he was complaining about his hand and his hip (Which was totally normal for him)

We were waiting for my aunt and cousin so we could make the trip which would take about90 mins. What happened next made everything so, so very much harder to take.

(What I didn't know was that my mom found out he got hit by the car because some teenager came down to her house (My grandpa lived by the road, my mom down a driveway) and told her my grandpa got hit.)

While we were packing up, one of the woman who arrived at the scene (who happened to be a nurse) came down to the house and she started talking and saying "If you need me to testify I will be there, I wont change my story no matter what!!" My mom and I looked at her and she proceeded to tell us that as she drove by she seen a white car trying to turn around and then she noticed a hand waving in tall grass. The people who hit my grandpa were going to leave him to die!! Thank goodness for 2 kind women who stopped and who also wouldn't let them leave! The people who hit my grandpa were only turning around to get their car mirror and then the woman told us that the woman said to her "Stupid old man, look what he did to my car!" And then she continued on about needing to get home to put her groceries away! My mom and I were in shock!

As we leave, we are trying to take all of this in and just can't even comprehend any of it. My dad left his job and so did my one brother. We drove so fast just to get there and when we were less than 10 minutes away we got the call that he had passed away. I never, ever seen my mom in so much pain. She blamed herself for allowing him to get the mail (Which he did every single day) We got there and thankfully my oldest brother was there while he was still alive. I dont know if he knew, but it helped.

We were told that no one would have survived the impact (55mph road). His injuries had nothing to do with his age. We were allowed to see him. When I went in to see him and say good-bye they explained that they did EVERYTHING to keep him alive. Things that they only do once or twice a year. I was soooooo angry. His face looked perfect. I just couldnt get past the anger. That feeling stayed with me for a good part of the first two months after his death.

Everything new that comes up, opens the wounds like new again. Autopsy reports, calls from lawyers. We have a private investigator who is working hard to make some kind of case. The people were never ticketed, their licenses weren't taken away (the driver of the car was 81 yrs old) the cops didn't do their jobs AT ALL (it was apparent they tried to leave the scene) I try to think about him as him and not about his death. Thinking of his death brings me some very angry feelings. I have never felt this way about anyone dying before. Seeing his house sit empty hurts. Knowing that my mom has no parents kills me. He was healthy and active. He had nothing wrong with him for his age. It just seemed so unfair.

There is so much more to his story, but I don't want to make a novel out of my first post here. I hope you all don't mind that I shared my story here.

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:41am

(((((((Meg))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss sweetheart. You are so welcomed here anytime. You can vent all you want and never have to say your sorry. We all care and in some way or another have been where your at. The ladies here are wonderful and caring as you will find out. I am so glad you did find this board and I hope your venting is helping. Maybe you would like to do a daily journal to help you also. Keep your head high sweetheart, your grandpa is very proud of his family.

Please keep posting if you want, we are all here with a million and one cyber hugs.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 12:42pm

(((((Meg))))), I'm glad to see that Gail welcomed you.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 12:59pm

Thank you so much for your warm welcome. It really means a lot. I'm going to re-read over all the helpful things you have posted here. Its good to know that it isnt odd to still feel sad/mad/angry after just 6 1/2 months.

I forgot to mention in my first post that we petitioned the U.S. Postal Services, our local P.O.'s, and congressmen to have the mailboxes moved to the opposite sides of the street so no one had to go through what we did. Within 2 months they had changed them! It was ONE of many small victories for us (and one that I could say I took part in!) We also were able to petition for a speed limit change which is also in the works! My parents still live on that road, they are young now, but they have no plans to move. I don't want to ever loose anyone like this again. When I got the letter saying that both these things were to changed, I cried tears of joy, they were bittersweet, but I felt triumphant. Seeing the mailboxes moved also made me feel the same way.

Thanks again for your warm welcome. It means so much to me.
meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 1:01pm

Thank you so much for your warm welcome Gail. I really need to think about keeping a journal, and I really appreciate your kind words.

meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 3:13pm

Hi Meg


Thanks for posting. It is so very normal to be angry, especially at one seems to be a senseless death. The journaling sounds like a good idea. I don't journal, but I paint out anger and pain. That helps too.


The thing is to get the stuff out of our heads in an appropriate way.


Please know that we understand.

Beth
PROUD TO BE CO-CL ON THE FOLLOWING BOARDS

Alcohol Problems Board


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 4:12pm

My deepest sympathies.....I can honestly say all my losses did not come at another's hand so I can't even imagine what this would be like. Your story made me cry because I feel the pain in your words. I hope you can find peace and solace in all of this.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 4:38pm

Meg - wow. I'm going to start off saying that my cousin was killed in a violent crime last year, and the people here were incredible in helping me get through my pain. I've felt the pain you mention. It's not right; it's not fair; someone should feel as bad as you do.

That said - grief has a life of its own. If you are able to function through the day, and you have moments where you feel like the rug is coming out from under you, you are so normal! (If you can't function, and your life is suffering because of it, it's really time for some professional help to get back.)

You can be angry with the police, but keep in mind you were in shock. It's funny how shock distorts memories. I forgot about conversations I had with people while in shock. When the arrived on the scene there hadn't been a fatality, and now they have to deal with an elevated case. You have witnesses, and I believe in my heart that this person won't get away without a mark. People came to your aid when you needed help, and angels like that are just wonderful.

I'm go proud of you getting the mail boxes moved! That takes courage to go after that. I haven't had that much courage, but I'm glad to see those that do.

This is a long process. Be patient with yourself. I do have a website with links about what to expect when there is prosecution. (I haven't been through that end since the gunman in my case killed himself - otherwise I'd try to offer some insight.)

http://www.geocities.com/rememberingmichelle

I hope some of the resources I have found might be of use to you.

Please let me know if I can be of help to you. The hole may never fill, but it won't always feel as empty. :)