Introducing myself.....

Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Introducing myself.....
15
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:20pm

I have been lurking for a while now, and wasn't sure if I wanted to join this board or not. But, I have decided to bite the bullet.

Anyway, I am dogandcat, live in Midwest. I lost my mom to essentially a heart attack due to not enough oxygen on January 21, 2007. I was in the apartment when she passed away--I was in a different room writing some notes down for my stepdad and I went to see if she was okay (she also had a viral infection for over a month--lots of wheezing and asthma going on) and there she was---gone. I won't get into the details but the image I have of seeing my poor mother laying like that was one I hope no one ever has to see. I am having the hardest time with that part of her death, and now that the funeral is over, not many phone calls, etc, I miss her terribly! A little over a week ago was my birthday, and it was weird to not get a phone call from her.

I want anythig to bring her back, I miss her so much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:53pm

(((((Dogandcat))))), please accept my sympathies on your mother's death.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:57pm

((((((Sweetheart))))))

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

I too live in the midwest, the upper part of wisconsin. Like you I lost my mom only it was 2 years ago. I know how you feel sweetie and what your feeling is so normal. Your ok. It may not feel like it but you are. Don't be afraid of your feelings, don't be afraid to cry. I always have said the tears make room for smiles and happy memories. Moms are the best and it feels like the hardest to lose. There is a folder here about being a motherless daughter, please post there too if you like. Try writing down your feelings everyday, it helps and also a group for grieving will help. Contact your local hospice and they will be able to help you find one. Hang in there sweetheart we are all here for you with a million and one cyber hugs. The ladies you will meet here are the best and very supportive as they have gone through loss as well.

If your up to it please let us know how your doing.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 3:03am

Hugs and love for you sweetie.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:42pm

Welcome to the Board. You will find everyone here to be extremely sympathetic and understanding. We have been through it and know exactly what you are feeling. That doesn't change that the pain is so new and intense. I promise you the image of your mother that day will fade and you will be left with all the memories of your beautiful mother in her prime.

I hope this has been a little bit of help. Nothing can take away the heartache you are feeling but knowing that you aren't alone and can come here and express your sorrow will help in the most amazing way.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 3:13pm

Welcome to the board.


I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, am a motherless daughter. I miss Mama everyday, but the intensity and duration and frequency of the gut wrenching loss lessens as the days go on.


Please know that we understand.

Beth
PROUD TO BE CO-CL ON THE FOLLOWING BOARDS

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Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:12pm

Thank you everyone for your kind welcome. It does help that I am feeling very normal feelings. I guess I never expected to cry now, when it wasn't so long ago I was okay. At least I know I am not having abnormal grief--I've been very careful to watch for signs as I have a history of major depression. My dr. is on it too--making sure I am okay. This whole experience has me so mixed up.

I went to the cemetery today to talk with her. I am not sure if it helped or not. I can't tell this time. The first time I went after the funeral it helped a lot. This time, it's really hard to tell.

I was listening to a few songs today and there was a song by Kenny Chesney, that totally said how I am feeling. There's a section in there where he says Sunny Days are the hardest, and they are b/c she LOVED the sun, loved beautiful weather.

I am in the process of looking for a grief support group and/or counselor and maybe that will help me sort out my feelings and I am reading a book on grief too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:42pm
Which book are you reading?
AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 12:33am

I'm glad to see another person who travels to gravesites. I love to go to my grandpa's now and talk with him. In those moments I feel closer to God because I have stripped away everything else and I can just listen. I always manage to laugh while I'm there because I'll be so wrapped up in asking him questions, and then the breeze will blow bringing me back to there here-and-now... away from the what-if's in my life.

I hope that if you continue to go to her gravesite that you are able to have the positive experience that I have had.

Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 5:51pm
I am not one to usually go to gravesites, but then I haven't lost anyone this close to me in a really long time. I have gone a few times since my grandparents have died, but this is so different. I am so much older now, and it's someone who gave birth to me so I think the whole experience is vastly different from losing a grandparent. Hope I make sense. Right now I feel I have an obligation to see her b/c I feel like she's all alone and I don't want her to feel like that. I mean it's b/c she isn't buried next to any of her family, although some of her family is buried there. It's hard to explain.
Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 5:55pm

The book I am reading is called How to Go on Living when someone you love dies. I forgot the author, and actually I've read bits and pieces of lots of books. I would recommend it to you guys. When I read more I'll let you know what I've learned.

I do know that from what I've read so far that some of the feelings I've experienced are normal--that something will trigger a grief response. I've read the stages of grief and how no one experiences them all the same way or in the same order or you can have various parts of the grief stages all the same time. Like I said, when I read more, I'll share with you what I've learned.

I also just want to say again, thanks for the welcome and support. By the way, I called a grief support group and I am gonna make it next week; hopefully I am not working late that day, and I can go.

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