long time lurker, finally posting

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
long time lurker, finally posting
7
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 8:30pm

Hi, all. I have lurked on this board for a long time and finally decided to come out of hiding. Here is my story.

I am currently grieving the loss of my older brother. I lost him in January 2006 to suicide. He hung himself in the basement, with his one year old son in the playpen upstairs. We were very close, and I'm devestated by this loss. Five weeks after it happenend, my little girl was diagnosed with autism. It's been alot to take, and looking back, I don't know how I've made it this far. Sheer determination?

Anyhow, I did suggest to IV a support board for survivors of suicide, and offered to host it, as well. The main reason I have been so hesitant to post here is I didn't want to offend anyone - the person I'm grieving for died not of natural causes, but by his own hand. It's hard to explain, but the grief process is very different. You go through way more of the anger, frustration, helplessness, and so on. I do attend an IRL monthly support group, and it helps me a great deal.

Anyhow, I am sorry for all your losses and am happy that everyone here has had the opportunity to vent about their grief in such an open and supportive forum. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all!

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:14pm

I hardly doubt you will offend anyone at this board... and you are more than welcome to post any time you wish. Welcome to our board.

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother... I offer you, your family and his sweet son my condolences.

I think you are doing a wonderful thing by attending a support group and offering yourself in the support of others. I'm so glad to hear that it has been so helpful to you. Helping and listening to others has been a great way for me, myself, to deal with my grief and sadness.

I think regardless of who you lost and how, there are stages of grief that everyone cycles through. And unfortunitly we at this board understand the many different emotions that come along with grief.

I hope you will find comfort in talking about your brother and your feelings here on this board. It is indeed a very comforting and supportive place to be.

(((Hugs)))

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:22pm

(((((Angie))))), welcome to our board.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>

CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 10:09pm

Hi Angie


Welcome. I know that I can't relate totally to your loss, but I can relate a lot. My sister died, not directly from her own hand, but because she ignored a diagnosis for enough years that a disease ruined many of her organs.


Know that we care, and that you can share as much or as little as you want.

Beth
PROUD TO BE CO-CL ON THE FOLLOWING BOARDS

Alcohol Problems Board


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 2:13pm

I agree no offense taken. We are all here to help whereever we can. I haven't experienced loss by suicide and I can't imagine how confusing and frustrating it would be. I think helpless is the perfect word. But the one thing we all have in common is the sheer loss of a loved one.

Glad you finally posted.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 6:48pm

To all - thanks so much for the warm welcome, and letting me know I'm not intruding in any way. That means alot.

I look forward to getting to know you all better!

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 6:16pm

Angie,

I'm so glad you finally posted. There are several people on here who have lost a loved one to suicide, including me, and no one here will get offended. While loss of a loved one by suicide is definitely different from other losses, we all bond together over the hurt and pain of having lost someone close to us. This board has been a great place for me to come to for thoughts and advice or even just virtual hugs and I hope you find it the same way.

Look forward to seeing more of your posts.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:09pm

You know, I'm a Christian and for many years I believed suicide was the "unforgivable sin" because how could you ask forgiveness for the sin after you had already done it??? You couldn't because you can only ask forgiveness while you're alive. My life has not been touched by suicide, except through the stories I read on this board and the grieving board, but my opinion has changed. You say your brother "died not of natural causes, but by his own hand." I think in most cases of suicide, I would disagree with that statement. How totally devastated and not in your right mind would YOU have to be to take your own life? I don't think victims of suicide are responsible (again - in MOST cases) for what they've done, because I don't think their minds are right when they do it. And I think that depression and mental illness can be as debilitating and fatal as cancer or asthma. So I think you're statement is wrong. I think your brother probably did have a disease - even if it wasn't diagnosed. And I think that disease killed him by turning his mind and body against him.

Blessings,
Maria