Explaining death of grandma to a toddler

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Explaining death of grandma to a toddler
12
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:05am
Hi to All...
This may be a long one and I'm sorry but I need some help.
I haven't been on this message board for a long time! The last time I was, I was going through a divorce with an 11 year old son and many people helped me out. Now I have another issue....I now have a daughter that will be 3 the end of April. My mother in law died unexpectantly 3 weeks ago at their winter get away. She was the world in my daughter's eyes. Everything was grandma with her. While my husband and I made our hectic trip to Texas from Wisconsin during the last winter storm, our daughter was with her Aunt. She tried exlaining to out daughter that grandma was with the angels now. Returning home was hard, seeing the family and our daughter, knowing that she was going to ask where grandma was. She seemed to be fine and somewhat understanding things at first. See, my parent's have been gone for over 9 years now and my daughter never knew them but has seen pictures. I explained to her that they had died and their bodies couldn't work anymore and that they were up in Heaven above the stars. So anyway... I think she might understand a little at times. The past couple of days have been a little hard for me because she has started to express more feelings. She looks at grandma's picture and says, " I miss my grandma." Then the next time she will say... "Will grandma be there?" When I say..,"No honey, grandma died. She's with the angels and we will all miss her." Then she starts crying and yells NO!" Am I saying the right things to her? Someone please tell me if I am or not. This is so hard for me because this lady that was my mother in law was so much more to me. She filled the empty spot in my heart that I had from the loss of my own mom. I thank anyone that can me some advice.....
Thanks so much!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 6:09am

I have a toddler also. She is looking at photos and asking about people...it is difficult. Believe it or not, my local hospice has a program for grief..and accepted 2 three year olds in the last session. Call..find out.


More later



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-1998
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 10:27am
So what makes you think you did anything wrong? No matter how you slice it, it's going to hurt. At this age, she may yet believe she can pretend something into not having happened. It's painful for you, but I think it's time to just be patient, and keep answering the same way.
Cthulu Crochet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:16pm
I myself have a 3year old daughter.

Melissaphoto

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:20am

Great ideas, Melissa.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:39am

Welcome, Koala_mama.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:03am

My now 3 year old watched my grieve for my mother, ugh. I explained to her then I was crying because I was never going to see gramma again, because she had died.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:12pm

Thank you for the advice.

Gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:16pm

Hi,
I don't think I am doing anything wrong. It was an emotional day that day with my daughter and I was just looking for some extra advice. So far things are going okay.
Thanks for your time...

Gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:22pm

Thank You for your input. Things have been going a little better here, but I know there are still times to come. I have started working on getting pictures together. I have started a scrap book and my son is working on getting the pictures on the computer to put a DVD together. It's a great idea! Thanks so much!!

Gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:28pm

Thank you for your support and suggestion's. I haven't been able to read the articles yet, but hopefully in the next week when I'll be home more. I'm glad you mentioned the library. Actually, I had thought of that in the beginning, but with everything going on I forgot. We have a local library here and I've heard they have good resources explaining death to children.

Thanks again
Gina

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