Losses come in so many packages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Losses come in so many packages
15
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 11:41am

I work as a Fraud Investigator for a large National Bank. I have been working in Banking all of my adult life and I took this job in 2001 right before I got sick. They have been phenomenal in so many ways since I have limited mobility and get tired real easily. I was informed on Monday that the department I work in (which I love) is moving to another floor. There is 300 plus people and we have ran out of room. I have worked with all these people for 6 years and now my little department is moving on up.....I am heartbroken. We are still part of the overall department on the 2nd floor BUT we will doing our work on the 6th floor. I am a single woman who thrives on the social aspect of working which is why I work hard to get to work everyday instead of living on disability and staying home.

The hardest part about leaving is a special friend that I have here on the 2nd floor. He is a tall gorgeous drink of water that on December 23, 2005 we started "chatting" after 4 1/2 years of really not knowing him and having a huge crush on him. We have gotten so close and yes I have fallen in love with this man. He has a ton of baggage from a divorce 8-9 years ago and he is so scared of getting hurt so we have moved very slowly. We finally had "the talk" 2 weeks ago and got things out in the open about how we feel and he still needs time even though he cares about me. Sometimes I think he would be fine to just let it all go so he doesn't have to be burdened with how it all makes him feel. We talk about it all and I know he is trying BUT it is so difficult for him. He sits in my line fire and I can see his every move. When he shows up in the morning I get excited and count down the seconds till I get to see him and NOW I am not going to be able to see him and I have no clue how this is going to affect "us". I have cried so many tears over this and I know that sometimes it's best to just let him go until he figures it out and if he comes to me he does and if he doesn't then I have already moved on of sorts. I am so scared...............

Please don't misunderstand me because everyone here knows that there is so much more important things than this in the scheme of life but I am really hurting and you all are so amazing here and I am hoping you can offer some ideas or support to really help me through this. I am hoping that when I show up tomorrow morning to my new floor that not having him there will be a burden lifted because I am somewhat consumed with him at times.

Again losses come in so many different packages and this loss is going to be quite painful. I know I will get over it but the feeling of loss right now is making my life miserable. I am so empty...........

Kiki

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:27am

Well with him I have always say I am NOT waiting but I am hoping. If he asked me to his home I would accept because I know that he wouldn't unless he is ready to have me there even as a friend. He has always been open and honest and when I want so bad to shake the man I am reminded in my "head" that he has said his peace at this point and I have a choice to hope or move on. Now my "heart" thinks so much differently....*smile*

I have always been a strong independent woman who has been thrown some really messy stuff and have always landed on my feet....so far. With this man I am a pathetic weak woman who knows that she needs to move on and let him get his act together and if he chooses come to me but I am hanging on way too tightly. It's a miracle that I can hide it so well with him. We have talked many converations about how he fears me but he also fears being alone the rest of his life. I am not sure what he fears most. He has acknowledges I am a way out of all of that for him and he never imagined having anyone in his life again. The old I thought I was done with this.........but in the end he has not maned up and ultimately I can't do anything for him or for that matter "us. Again this workplace change is a blessing and a huge hint from the universe to move forward for my own well being. The universe is funny that way isn't it??? Basically what it comes down regardless of how anyone feels we were just co-workers and now we aren't even that.

Thank you so much for the support Miriam. You have helped me more than you will ever know.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 12:27pm

(((((Kiki))))

You are so very welcome. I am glad that whatever input I was able to give you, it helped you in some way.

I strongly beleive that certain things happen in life for a reason, whether it be a lesson of some sort or to learn from our previous mistakes, etc. I know from many happenings in my life,that I have learned alot from them. I also have learned that I may make many more mistakes in my life, but.....will never repeat the same ones.

Example. There is a change in your workplace, so you no longer work on the same floor together. Why???? Well, eventually you will understand the answer to this queston. Right now, this may be a very good thing.

By the way, I am not a physic. ha ha ha I just beleive that some things do happen for a reason.

Sweetheart, just be well, and take care of yourself. Please let us all know how you are doing.

Love ya, Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 2:37pm

There is a small addition to my story. The young man who played "matchmaker" for B and I is someone who I also connected with in a romantic way. He and I flirted and played around with the thought of making it more than friends but I just couldn't get past his age. (I am 47 he is 28) He is adorable and eventually he went back to his g/f at which time he needed to distance himself from me. It was painful but it was the right thing so he can concentrate on making it work with the g/f. He became a manager here and was B's manager at which time he knew that I was crushing on B so he set it up. That was Dec. 2005. After that the youngen went his own way and recently was transferred to another area on the same floor. THAT area moved to the 6th floor as well. He is just to the right of me and on the day we moved here last week he sat down at my desk and informed me that he had broken up with his g/f.

I agree that things happen for a reason and I believe the universe has a plan for me AND a sense of humor. My family adores the youngen and maybe I am ignoring the obvious and trying to fight something that I shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong I am not someone that men flock to. I have been virtually invisible to men up until the time I got sick in 2001 and I have changed so much that I have grown to love myself in a way that I have never known before. With that confidence I have attracted all sorts of great people in my life. The problem with all of this is I haven't a clue what to do with them. I am not experienced with being the object of someone's affections and am a fish out of water. I have always been fine single (never alone) and now my life is so confusing.

Things happen for a reason but if I don't know how to allow those things to happen then I am just lost.

Just more rambling thoughts Miriam. Is there a manual for all of this? I love to read self-help books.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 4:08pm

Kiki, you can ramble on as much as you please. That is what we are here for. Since you enjoy self help books. May I recommend "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil. My daughter bought me that book when it first came out because I like to watch his show, and so I was interested in reading it. You may enjoy it and it may help you in some way.

If I ever find that manual I will let you know. lol

So, Kiki you know when ever you need a soft place to fall or to vent, or to ramble you know where to go. I am here for you as the others here on the board.

Love ya, and have a good evening, Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-1998
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 4:28pm
Sometimes the loss that is hardest to deal with is the one where you fear to admit it, for lack of expecting people to understand.
Cthulu Crochet

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