Very lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Very lost
23
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 8:33am

Lost Mom on March 24 after being in the hospital for 5 weeks and on a ventilator for 5 days.
I am also feeling so confused. Mom was 63 I expected her to go to rehab and then home.
I am trying to help Dad. I work at this time 2 hours from home and have an apartment there. On my days off I am planning on driving home.
I have a younger brother who lives at home but has issues that Mom's death are making so much worse.
they were married for 45+ years. They would watch each others TV showes when one was not at home. Dad loves Little House on the Prarie. Mom is indiffrent with it. When Dad is out of town (or when she was in the hospital) she would have that show on.
It broke my heart to have Dad shaking in my arms and holding me tight when she died.

I am crying at the drop of a hat now. Driving, lying in bed or like last night I was at work and the tears just rolled down my face.
Is this normal. or am I going nuts? My heart feels so sad.

I am in health care. I have taken care of many Comfort care patients. I was sorta a coward because I just burried my head in Dads back and listened to her breath.

Up until she went into the hospital Mom and I would talk on the phone at least once a day if not 3 or 4 times a day. I now don't have her tell that I am sad or that my job contract
was terminated 3 weeks early because I visited her in the hospital. With Multiple supervisors approval to go. I started a new job the same day she was intubated and placed on the ventilator. I had worked 20 hours in my first 2 weeks. This hospital was supportive at this new place at least.
I guess I should not be bitter I did have 2 of the last 3 weeks of her life to sit at her bedside and keep her company.

I am just feeling lost, sad, and lonely.

On her guest book web posting I wrote, "My soul is happpy that Mom has found her final sleep, but my heart is crying for my Momma".
And it is still.

000552k3 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 10:15am

(((((Cny123))))), my prayers

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:35am

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!! You are normal and your reaction is normal and what you are going through is normal. The last thing anyone needs to worry about is how they are reacting to one of the most painful life experiences ever. Go with how you feel...you have lost your Mommy something I know nothing about but I have lost my Daddy and I cry for my Daddy ALOT still after 13 years. He's my Daddy....and I miss him terribly. If you suppress your emotions it will only build up within you and you don't need that added pressure. Let it flow...cry when you need to.....remember the scene in Steel Magnolia after Julia Robert's character died and Sally Field was beside herself at the cemetary? Remember how funny that scene was because he friends offered up another friend to hit to help her with her frustation...so I always say hit Weezer!!!!! Then I have to smile......

Go with your heart. It is breaking and you need to feel it all in order to grieve in a healthy fashion. Don't question why you are doing something or feeling something either. It is all a mystery but it will all subside slowly over time and you will get use to it...it will always hurt so be prepared. It doesn't go away.......we just learn to live without them.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 1:53pm

Hugs and love for you and your family during this time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 3:17pm

Hi


I am Beth...you are normal. Do you hear, normal. What we go through losing someone is a blow to our entire system!


My Mama died in 2001...seems long ago when I write it, but is feels like yesterday sometimes. My folks had been married 54 years.


Please know that we are here for you. We understand.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 8:01pm

Beth

I am from CNY - East suburbs of Syr. But becuause of work I am usually not there. I had been working in Costal New Hampshire when Mom became ill.
I did not work for a sympathentic Director. So I am now working in NY state for the next 13 weeks or as long as they will extend my contract.
I started here the week Mom took a turn for the worse. They have been Super.
Thank-you for your kind words.
Holly

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: cny123
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:45am
I am less than 30 miles from you. I live near the Turning Stone Casino.
Beth
PROUD TO BE CO-CL ON THE FOLLOWING BOARDS

Alcohol Problems Board


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: cny123
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:53pm

I went to the cemetery. I sat by Mom's grave eating lunch and crying and yellingat her.
telling her that I love her, miss her.

One of the last things I brought her to tempt her to eat in the hospital was from Panera Bread.

I went there for a salad, I can't believe I will no longer share my lunch with her.

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
In reply to: cny123
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 3:12pm
I know what you mean about lunch. Mum and I would get lunch every Monday together, and sometimes another day during the week, when we were both off. We used to get Chineese takeout quite often, I can't bring myself to get that right now. I miss her company so much.
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 5:04pm

It can be the small, ordinary things that are most triggering.

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AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
In reply to: cny123
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 7:22pm
You're right and I think the small ordinary things hit us the hardest because you are expecting the big things holidays birthdays anniversaries of the death etc., but when Monday hits you because that was your day together or the time 6:30 is unbearable because that's the time you used to talk on the phone it's unexpected. But we all have to remember how lucky we are to have such wonderful memories,and relationships.
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.

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