Very lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Very lost
23
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 8:33am

Lost Mom on March 24 after being in the hospital for 5 weeks and on a ventilator for 5 days.
I am also feeling so confused. Mom was 63 I expected her to go to rehab and then home.
I am trying to help Dad. I work at this time 2 hours from home and have an apartment there. On my days off I am planning on driving home.
I have a younger brother who lives at home but has issues that Mom's death are making so much worse.
they were married for 45+ years. They would watch each others TV showes when one was not at home. Dad loves Little House on the Prarie. Mom is indiffrent with it. When Dad is out of town (or when she was in the hospital) she would have that show on.
It broke my heart to have Dad shaking in my arms and holding me tight when she died.

I am crying at the drop of a hat now. Driving, lying in bed or like last night I was at work and the tears just rolled down my face.
Is this normal. or am I going nuts? My heart feels so sad.

I am in health care. I have taken care of many Comfort care patients. I was sorta a coward because I just burried my head in Dads back and listened to her breath.

Up until she went into the hospital Mom and I would talk on the phone at least once a day if not 3 or 4 times a day. I now don't have her tell that I am sad or that my job contract
was terminated 3 weeks early because I visited her in the hospital. With Multiple supervisors approval to go. I started a new job the same day she was intubated and placed on the ventilator. I had worked 20 hours in my first 2 weeks. This hospital was supportive at this new place at least.
I guess I should not be bitter I did have 2 of the last 3 weeks of her life to sit at her bedside and keep her company.

I am just feeling lost, sad, and lonely.

On her guest book web posting I wrote, "My soul is happpy that Mom has found her final sleep, but my heart is crying for my Momma".
And it is still.

000552k3 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 5:00pm

Are you giving the children chances to look at pictures, tell stories, etc. about your mother?

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: cny123
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 12:33am
HI there.. you know my day care kids ... I re-went through my mom things while somew of my day care kids were here.. they each got to pick out something of hers as a special memory of her, I told them it was something grammy wanted them to have. As for my kids... we have talked about her alot. My husband is going through bi-polarism... which my mom had.. so my kids understand his illness because of my mom. also my 17 yo DD said her and dad always had a silent bond between them we did not understand.. we think it is because maybe mom understood his mood swings and everything and was maybe waiting for him to accept his fate as well...???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 12:47am
The kids will treasure those memory items.
AcornLeaves

Pages