My mom is gone
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My mom is gone
| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:49pm |
I lost my mom, my best friend on February 1, of this year. My father is still living but he is a flake and I don't have anything to do with him really. I have given up trying.
Anyway my mom had a leg ulcer for as long as I can remember. When I was 8 a vein burst in her leg right after I got on the school bus she drove herself to the hospital, and was treated and it healed in a few months.
Well then she had a new job a few years later and it broke open again, she didn't have great health insurance so she treated it herself, of course it just kept getting bigger and was very painful, so she took lots of ibuprofin. When she got full time at her job, her insurance was so much better, but her leg was just out of control, and she was so afraid they would make her stop working, or she would lose her leg. So she kept taking care of it herself. We were both in denial because even though it was painful she could go to work everyday.
About 10 years ago, I had told her I thought she should go and get it taken care of, and according to her journal she was thinking about it, but then life got in the way and she didn't.
Well anyway basically the ibuprofin over time, ate her stomach, and she bled to death. I was with her when she died, we were home. She had, had bronhitis for about 6 weeks, but she felt she was feeling better.
Even as she passed out, I don't think I believed she was dying. I yelled at her NOOOO, as she started to pass out, I screamed, I'm calling the ambulance you are going to the hospital thinking that was going to wake her up, because she didn't want to go to the hospital. I called 911 and they talked me through rescue breathing, and I tried, but I knew she was gone before the ambulance got here.
It's still so unbeliveable that she is gone. She truly was my best friend. We shared a house together. I know people often thought it was odd that a 32 year old still lived with her mother, but it wasn't a daughter living with her mother it was more like room mates, we enjoyed doing stuff together, we shared the expenses. and kept each other company.
And now here I sit alone. I miss her so much. She had the best most infectous laugh, everyone in town just loved her, she worked at the grocery store, and seriously her line was always the longest, she had a way of making people feel as if they were the most important person in the world. So many times she would ask someone something about their life, and I would ask after they walked away, who was that, she woudln't have a clue what their name was, but she knew all about their life.
I'm so very sorry, I hadn't gotten married before she died and had a baby, she couldn't wait to have grandchildren.
I am an only child, my older brother was stillborn when he was born. I know when I have kid's I want 2. The only positive thing I can think about being an only child is, I wouldn't trade the relationship I had with my mother, and also, I got to make all the decisions about her stuff and the financial stuff. I didn't have to ask for anyone's input or wait for them.
My "father" ran off when he came out of the closet I was around 5. He drives trucks cross country now, mum tried when I was younger to keep a relationship going between us. Actually when I was little he used to come to all my birthday parties, be there when I woke up Christmas morning, etc. Then when I was around 10 he dissapeared didn't return until I was about 16. I was grown up then, and he was a stranger. He tried but it was awkward. He chose not to come to my high school grduation. In fact I think I saw him twice between 1992, and 2002 when my grandmother, his mother passed away, he came for her funeral made lots of promises, only to not ever call, he came to town saw other people but never called me. Haven't seen him for 5 years, he came when mum died, she didn't want a funeral so I met him at my other grandmother's again very awkward. I didn't have it in me, to even pretend, he left after a couple of days, back to work. which was fine, he is a stranger. He has text messaged me a couple of time or had right after he left haven't heard from him again in weeks. I answered his messages. But i really have nothingmore to say to him. So I do feel as if am parentless. My parent died on 1 February she was my mother and father the whole time I was growing up.
Ok I didn't plan on laying all that on you on the first post but i finally feel like I have a place that might understand what I'm going through. People just don't understand, unless it's happened to them. They mean well but just don't get it.
I will post often and I hope gain some support and insight from these boards.
Thanks for listening
Angie
Anyway my mom had a leg ulcer for as long as I can remember. When I was 8 a vein burst in her leg right after I got on the school bus she drove herself to the hospital, and was treated and it healed in a few months.
Well then she had a new job a few years later and it broke open again, she didn't have great health insurance so she treated it herself, of course it just kept getting bigger and was very painful, so she took lots of ibuprofin. When she got full time at her job, her insurance was so much better, but her leg was just out of control, and she was so afraid they would make her stop working, or she would lose her leg. So she kept taking care of it herself. We were both in denial because even though it was painful she could go to work everyday.
About 10 years ago, I had told her I thought she should go and get it taken care of, and according to her journal she was thinking about it, but then life got in the way and she didn't.
Well anyway basically the ibuprofin over time, ate her stomach, and she bled to death. I was with her when she died, we were home. She had, had bronhitis for about 6 weeks, but she felt she was feeling better.
Even as she passed out, I don't think I believed she was dying. I yelled at her NOOOO, as she started to pass out, I screamed, I'm calling the ambulance you are going to the hospital thinking that was going to wake her up, because she didn't want to go to the hospital. I called 911 and they talked me through rescue breathing, and I tried, but I knew she was gone before the ambulance got here.
It's still so unbeliveable that she is gone. She truly was my best friend. We shared a house together. I know people often thought it was odd that a 32 year old still lived with her mother, but it wasn't a daughter living with her mother it was more like room mates, we enjoyed doing stuff together, we shared the expenses. and kept each other company.
And now here I sit alone. I miss her so much. She had the best most infectous laugh, everyone in town just loved her, she worked at the grocery store, and seriously her line was always the longest, she had a way of making people feel as if they were the most important person in the world. So many times she would ask someone something about their life, and I would ask after they walked away, who was that, she woudln't have a clue what their name was, but she knew all about their life.
I'm so very sorry, I hadn't gotten married before she died and had a baby, she couldn't wait to have grandchildren.
I am an only child, my older brother was stillborn when he was born. I know when I have kid's I want 2. The only positive thing I can think about being an only child is, I wouldn't trade the relationship I had with my mother, and also, I got to make all the decisions about her stuff and the financial stuff. I didn't have to ask for anyone's input or wait for them.
My "father" ran off when he came out of the closet I was around 5. He drives trucks cross country now, mum tried when I was younger to keep a relationship going between us. Actually when I was little he used to come to all my birthday parties, be there when I woke up Christmas morning, etc. Then when I was around 10 he dissapeared didn't return until I was about 16. I was grown up then, and he was a stranger. He tried but it was awkward. He chose not to come to my high school grduation. In fact I think I saw him twice between 1992, and 2002 when my grandmother, his mother passed away, he came for her funeral made lots of promises, only to not ever call, he came to town saw other people but never called me. Haven't seen him for 5 years, he came when mum died, she didn't want a funeral so I met him at my other grandmother's again very awkward. I didn't have it in me, to even pretend, he left after a couple of days, back to work. which was fine, he is a stranger. He has text messaged me a couple of time or had right after he left haven't heard from him again in weeks. I answered his messages. But i really have nothingmore to say to him. So I do feel as if am parentless. My parent died on 1 February she was my mother and father the whole time I was growing up.
Ok I didn't plan on laying all that on you on the first post but i finally feel like I have a place that might understand what I'm going through. People just don't understand, unless it's happened to them. They mean well but just don't get it.
I will post often and I hope gain some support and insight from these boards.
Thanks for listening
Angie

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((((((Angie)))))
You most certinly came to the right place. I am so very sorry for such a loss of your sweet sweet mom. My mom passed away 2 years ago and it is still hard at times, much better...but still hard.
You need to take care of yourself sweetheart. Your mom had a beautiful outlook on life and she has passed that gift onto you. Use this wonderful gift that your mom left you to the fullest. (I know i can't spell worth diddly). We often suggest writing in a journal, like your mom did, and it does help alot. When we lose our mom, we sometimes lose a part of us. Cry all you want, it is normal, tears make room for smiles and happy memories.
You sound like a fantastic lady and i know that your mom is very proud of you.
You will meet alot of wonderful ladies here and our cl's are out of this world. Please please keep posting we would love to hear more about you and your mom, and how you are doing.
Take care sweetie and always know you are not alone.
Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxoxo
It really is comforting to know there is a place to come that the women completely understand the feelings, and emotions.
thanks again.
Angie
Welcome to the Board!! You have come to the right place. We do understand as much as we can because each situation and person is unique. I haven't lost my mother (lost my Dad) but I know that losing a parent is one of the worst kind of losses especially since she was so much more to you than a Mother.
I hope you stick around and join us as we all sympathize completely with loss.
Kiki
WE LIKE IT ALOT!!!!!!!!
Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxo
As I was reading your story it sounded similar to mine. My mother also had leg problems that should not have been life threatening but after 11 years of treating them the medication eventually had a negative effect. It is awful to lose your mother--at any age. Your comments about wishing she could have seen your wedding..or grandchildren sound like what I think about a lot... I'm 26.
It's too bad your dad isn't more supportive but I'm sure you have a lot of people around you who care about you and want to help you in anyway they can--and as hard as it is sometimes--let them.
~C
Thank you for taking the time to write me a note, I really appreciate it.
Angie
Angie,
My mom has been gone almost a year now... a year on Mothers Day-an awful day for her to die. It's hard when it feels like everything around you has gone 'back to normal'. I understand that you don't feel like it will be normal again. It's been 11 Months and I haven't had a normal day yet. Everyone tells you to take things one day at a time...and it will get you through. Eventually it turns into two days...and if you're lucky you get to a week--but then something comes up and your back to one day at a time again. The holidays get me. At this point I've gotten through all of the "firsts" without her. And I'll warn you now--They suck. Maybe the second year gets easier....
My dad is still in the picture..he was out of the country on business when it happened. He's a bit of a scatter brain. He means well and tries--but basically has no clue how to talk to a daughter. He does better with my two brothers.. I think it's some unspoken guy language that they all speak.
Do you have any other family members you are close to? I am fortuante that I have an uncle (one of mom's brothers) who is amazingly supportive. Is there someone you can call whenever you need to? I hope so. Hang in there.... just breath and get through the rest of today.
~C
I am so dreading Mother's day this year. and the thought of Christmas makes me nauceous. I can't imagine until I have kid's that I wll ever truly enjoy the holidays again. Right now I just want to survive them no interest in celebrating them. Thank you so much for your kind words, it's so nice to have people that completely understand.
Angie
I actually had to read your post several times before replying. Once I could read it without crying, like I do when reading most of these posts, I felt Icould reply.
I lost my mom in December, she was my best friend. We really dont know what happened, she didnt show up for work anad a friend had the landlord open the door to check on my mom. She was found in the bathroom. NO autopsy was done. But she had a bloody nose and a bruise on her temple.
How I got through the first week I have no idea. SO now it is me and my brother. He lives far away. He stayed with us for about 6 weeks after it happened though. Even though I had moved about 3 hours away from my mom, she was still my best friend. We did not have a service for her, but her work did. SHe was bi-polar and worked for the metal health program were she lived. It was amazing how many lives she had touched. From the pharmasist to the people at the cigarette store. Neighbors were shocked because they had just seen her. Even two little kids age 5 and 3 that lived next door were upset cause she had passed because she was nice to them.
My youngest will never know her grandma. MY 2 year old takes a long time to warm up to anyone and when she saw my mom for thansgiving she ran out the front door yelling grammys here. She had not seen my mom for a year so we were all shocked about this. But they say that little ones have a keen sense of knowledge. SO maybe she knew who she was and knew she wouldnt see her again. My kids age range from 17-2. Every child is deeply affected by the loss because they were very close to my mom. I do home day care and the kids called my mom grammy while she was here as well. I had recently moved 3 hours away from my mom, and I have to say I regret that to this day and will for a long time because I was not able to see her everyday like I used to.
There have been many developments in our lives since her passing that I have cried about because I could not call my mom and talk to her about it. I still function fine on a day to day basis, but at night when noone can see my heart breaks because I miss my best friend, my mom.
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