My mom is gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
My mom is gone
20
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:49pm
I lost my mom, my best friend on February 1, of this year. My father is still living but he is a flake and I don't have anything to do with him really. I have given up trying.
Anyway my mom had a leg ulcer for as long as I can remember. When I was 8 a vein burst in her leg right after I got on the school bus she drove herself to the hospital, and was treated and it healed in a few months.
Well then she had a new job a few years later and it broke open again, she didn't have great health insurance so she treated it herself, of course it just kept getting bigger and was very painful, so she took lots of ibuprofin. When she got full time at her job, her insurance was so much better, but her leg was just out of control, and she was so afraid they would make her stop working, or she would lose her leg. So she kept taking care of it herself. We were both in denial because even though it was painful she could go to work everyday.
About 10 years ago, I had told her I thought she should go and get it taken care of, and according to her journal she was thinking about it, but then life got in the way and she didn't.
Well anyway basically the ibuprofin over time, ate her stomach, and she bled to death. I was with her when she died, we were home. She had, had bronhitis for about 6 weeks, but she felt she was feeling better.
Even as she passed out, I don't think I believed she was dying. I yelled at her NOOOO, as she started to pass out, I screamed, I'm calling the ambulance you are going to the hospital thinking that was going to wake her up, because she didn't want to go to the hospital. I called 911 and they talked me through rescue breathing, and I tried, but I knew she was gone before the ambulance got here.
It's still so unbeliveable that she is gone. She truly was my best friend. We shared a house together. I know people often thought it was odd that a 32 year old still lived with her mother, but it wasn't a daughter living with her mother it was more like room mates, we enjoyed doing stuff together, we shared the expenses. and kept each other company.
And now here I sit alone. I miss her so much. She had the best most infectous laugh, everyone in town just loved her, she worked at the grocery store, and seriously her line was always the longest, she had a way of making people feel as if they were the most important person in the world. So many times she would ask someone something about their life, and I would ask after they walked away, who was that, she woudln't have a clue what their name was, but she knew all about their life.
I'm so very sorry, I hadn't gotten married before she died and had a baby, she couldn't wait to have grandchildren.
I am an only child, my older brother was stillborn when he was born. I know when I have kid's I want 2. The only positive thing I can think about being an only child is, I wouldn't trade the relationship I had with my mother, and also, I got to make all the decisions about her stuff and the financial stuff. I didn't have to ask for anyone's input or wait for them.
My "father" ran off when he came out of the closet I was around 5. He drives trucks cross country now, mum tried when I was younger to keep a relationship going between us. Actually when I was little he used to come to all my birthday parties, be there when I woke up Christmas morning, etc. Then when I was around 10 he dissapeared didn't return until I was about 16. I was grown up then, and he was a stranger. He tried but it was awkward. He chose not to come to my high school grduation. In fact I think I saw him twice between 1992, and 2002 when my grandmother, his mother passed away, he came for her funeral made lots of promises, only to not ever call, he came to town saw other people but never called me. Haven't seen him for 5 years, he came when mum died, she didn't want a funeral so I met him at my other grandmother's again very awkward. I didn't have it in me, to even pretend, he left after a couple of days, back to work. which was fine, he is a stranger. He has text messaged me a couple of time or had right after he left haven't heard from him again in weeks. I answered his messages. But i really have nothingmore to say to him. So I do feel as if am parentless. My parent died on 1 February she was my mother and father the whole time I was growing up.
Ok I didn't plan on laying all that on you on the first post but i finally feel like I have a place that might understand what I'm going through. People just don't understand, unless it's happened to them. They mean well but just don't get it.
I will post often and I hope gain some support and insight from these boards.
Thanks for listening
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:39pm
Thank you for responding. I go back and forth between I'm ok, to I can't believe she is gone. It amazes me everywhere I go someone mentions her, I knew how much people liked her, but wow, she had such an impact.
I hope all is well with you.
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 5:33pm

(((((Mom_tazzy))))), your post touched me deeply.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:27pm

Thank you. I am very proud of her. Anytime anyone would be embaressed to talk about their depression or MI, Iwould be like, ah its ok, my mom is bi-polar. I stood by her side as she put on concerts for fund raising, she helped open a bakery for the MI to bake and make money. She was a wonderful woman. More so in her later years after she understood her illness so to speak.

Its hard to post to people who care grieving. You really just want to reach out and hold them instead. I got so tired of hearing people say they were sorry ya know. Most of the people who heard were simply in shock. I like to read the posts, because alot of times, people will talk about how wonderful the person was and how much they loved them. A lot of things we take for granted while they are here with us.

I have been journaling all my life. So does my DD. I think it is the best way to deal with something and I recomend it to everyone. sometimes you look back and say.. wow I wrote that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 7:50am
I love reading your post. Your mom was remarkable and she raised a great daughter!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 5:18pm

Hi Angie,

I am so glad I found this message board. I also lost my mom 10-3-06, I am also an only child, my dad passed away 12 years ago. I have no aunts, uncles, cousins. I do have a husband and 2 kids, but they just do not understand. My mom and I were also very close.
I had lunch with her every day. We did everything together, she was my best friend!!!
My son was in an motorcycle accident on 9-18-06 and almost died. 2 weeks later while he was still in I>C>U> my mom suddenly passed away.

The pain I feel is so bad, sometimes I cannot breath. I feel so lonley, I have no one to share memories with. I use to tell my mom everything, she always make me feel better.
I am so lost... My mom's house is just as she left it, I have not had the heart to do anything.

I hope we can stay in touch and help each other with the different emotions we will go through!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 5:31pm
Hi Penny,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are feeling. I have that feeling of my I can't breathe.
Sometimes I think I'm ok, and then a little while later, I think "ok" how can I be ok, I don't have my mother, I will never be ok again.
I didn't realize how many Mother's day commercials that were out now. I dread all the holidays. I just want to get through them not celebrate them.
i'm so sorry about your son's accident, that must have been horrific not sure if he is going to make it, and suddenly your mother, your rock is gone.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, please don't hesitate to email me. angie@gwi.net
It's hard very few people understand the loss. So many people have told me, people that have been through it before it never gets easy just easier.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 6:03pm

Angie,

Thank you for responding so fast. A co-worker just had to bring me tissue's.

I am so relived to find someone who understand the feelings of an only child.

I will e-mail you when I am off work, cause I keep crying. Tears of relief and happiness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:34pm

Welcome, (((((Penny))))).

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:39pm

(((Penny and Angie)))

I am also an only child, we lost my sister when she was 2 and I was 3. I found her, but I am ok. I lost my mom Dec of 04 and just when we move my dad in with us, (he suffered 2 strokes), he has been diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6 months. I have an aunt and an uncle, (dad's sister and brother) they live in texas and we see them once a year. We do talk during the year. I also have 3 cousins left. But they live 400 miles away. It is hard. My dh was my rock when my mom died. I thank God everyday that he is here.

There are times at night when dh is sleeping I cry myself to sleep still. Crying for my mom to please help me through this. Ladies it is tough to lose your mom, it is heartwrenching and you do feel like you can't breath. We have a folder called motherless daughters if you would care to read them.

When I lost my mom i came here and I am so glad i did. It has helped me so much. Please keep in touch and let us know how your doing. This lovely place has so many caring wonderful ladies to help, it is unbelieveable.

We are all here for you ladies.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 10:39am
Thank you. I thought so about here as well... IM not sure about myself yet..lol

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