My Dad died

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
My Dad died
10
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:54pm
My Dad died on Monday. He was 81 years old, and he had cancer. He was never officially diagnosed, because he refused to get the testing done for it, but the Dr. was 99.9% sure that he had prostate cancer, that spread to his colon and then to his brain, because of all of his symptoms. It was so hard to see my Father whither away to nothing. He was just skin and bones. The last week of his life, he stopped being able to talk, and he stopped being able to swallow anymore, and his eyes were glazed over, and all we could see were the whites of his eyes. The Hospice Nurse said that he could hear us, so we talked to him all the time, one time he reached his hand up a little to touch mine, so I felt he could hear me tell him over and over how much I loved him. We gave him morphine for his pain. His Hospice Aide who came in was so wonderful to him, how she took care of him, and treated him with respect. Me and my sisters and brother appreciated that from his caretakers. He didn't die in the hospital, he didn't want any extra means of life support, just something for his pain, so he died peacefully at home with all of us. It was just so so hard to let him go. Even though in the end we all gave him the ok to go be with god and all his loved ones and friends, because it was so hard to see him like that anymore. We prayed for God to take him then, to end all his suffering and ours. I never hurt so much as when I heard my Dad take his last gasp of breath and then he died. It got really bad those last days of his life, because he was so fragile, you were afraid to move him because you felt like you were hurting him, and his bones were nearly breaking through his skin, they were on his back, and that was not a pretty site. This cancer stuff gets so bad, I never thought it would get that bad, but until you have lived through your loved one having it, you don't really get how bad it can be. On Friday, we buried him with military honors because he was a WW11 Veteran, and it was so moving when they did the gun salute and when they presented my big Brother with the flag. I thought my heart was going to break, and it did make me proud, but it also made me sad because of the finality of it all. I remember when they were going to close his casket at the funeral home, and they wanted to know if I wanted to leave the room, and I said why, I have seen him at his worst. He looks alot better now than he did when he took his last breath, and that was so true. I am very glad that I was with my Father during his last days, and all, but I also remember how bad that it had gotten. I stayed as strong as I could for him, to help him, to be with him, but now is the hardest part, to continue on without my Dad. I feel like I am so drained emotionally and physically, and that I am walking through a daze. I am going through the motions, but nothing seems to make sense now. I am trying to get my life back to normal, but it just doesn't seem normal anymore.
I do feel lost without my Dad...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:38pm

Welcome Nitegirl99.


I am Beth, one of the cls here. I am glad that you found us, because this board is truly a soft place to land.


You said that you wanted to get back to normal, but nothing seems normal anymore. My new friend, it isn't ever going to be the old normal again. You will, I promise, find a new normal, but it will take some time. Please give that time to yourself.


Your post rang a chord with me. My Dad is 82, and is also a WWII veteran. They were truly the "greatest generation" weren't they?


When you are able, would you like to tell us more about him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
In reply to: nitegirl99
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:14pm

I am so sorry for your loss. How blessed you are to have been able to be there with him when he died. Even though it may not seem so, he knew you were there. He is a peace now, but unfortunately you may take some time to be at peace. Just take it one day at a time. This board has sooooo many wonderful, caring people to offer you support when needed, and just listen when you need to talk.

May God bless you and your family.

Celeste

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: nitegirl99
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:04pm

(((((Nitegirl)))))

I am so so sorry for your loss. I am losing my dad to lung cancer. He is also a WWII veteran. My dad is going to have hospice and it was so comforting to hear just how wonderful they are. I thank you for that reassurance.

Please know that we are all here for you and we care. You and your family sound so close and so wonderful. Your dad is very proud of all of you. Your feelings right now are raw, so the hurt is very painful. It is ok, you are normal. Your feelings are normal.

Yes, as Beth said, we would really like to hear more about your dad and your family when your ready.

Take care sweetie and know there are a thousand and one cyber hugs being sent from all of us.

Love ya
Gail
xoxoxoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 12:21am

HUGS nitegirl.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 1:37am

(((((Nitegirl))))), I'm glad you found our board.

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 7:09pm

I feel the same way karyn, My mother made me who I am today.
It's hard to figure out, what your normal is.
I pray for us all daily.
This is truly a wonderful place.
Angie

I am so very sorry for your loss. You said in your posting -the hardest part is to continue on without your Dad. I felt much the same way after my mothers passing. How can I go on without her? I try to remind myself I go on because of her.

Is is a new normal world we live in though. A world without our parents. This forum is a good place to visit and read what what others are going through, it has helped me so much, I've found that how I feel is normal and grief is normal.

HUGS and love for you and your family.

Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 7:38pm

  • How can I go on without her? I try to remind myself I go on because of her.

What a beautifuil thought!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 2:39am
Well it's after 1am, I can't sleep, even though I need to go to bed because I have to get my granddaughter up for pre-school in the morning. I hardly slept last nite either. My granddaughter keeps asking me if I am still sad, and I tell her that I am. She wants me to be her happy Grandma again, but I don't feel happy. She just can't understand everything, even though she tries. She tells me that she is sad too, but mostly when it is time for her to go to bed, or when we are going somewhere in the car. I don't really know what to say to her. It is so hard to explain to her all the time why I don't feel like playing right now. I know I am being selfish. She needs me too, but I just can't get back on track. My Son and her live with me, and she is always with me, when I just want to be alone sometimes. My Dad and I were so close, and his death has made me feel so alone. Like my Sister said to me, that we are orphans now, and I think that is the way I feel, with both of my parents gone. It was hard when Mom died, but I still had my Dad, and that was comforting to me. I felt safe then, but now he's gone, and I feel scared and lost. Life goes on, I know that, and even my husband wants me to get back to cooking and cleaning and taking care of my Granddaughter but I just don't feel like doing anything. My other Granddaughter is having a big Birthday Party on Saturday, and I don't know how I am going to handle that, I am scared I might start crying again if I go and someone asks me about Dad, and i don't want to put a downer on her Birthday. What will I do then? Well I guess I am going to try and go to sleep. Thanks for listening...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 12:28pm

Honey, what you

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: nitegirl99
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 5:56am
I wish I could just come hug you and take your granddaughter on a playdate so you can have some alone time. Please know that you are cared about deeply here...and we all understand,