I miss mum so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
I miss mum so much
20
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:24pm
I've been sitting here crying for about half an hour.
I miss mum so very much. I miss her laugh, I miss her calling from work to complain about it. I just miss knowing she was always there.
I know there really wasn't anything I could do to change what happened. But what if I had pushed her to go to the doctor? Would they have been able to save her, or would she have died in the hospital? Would she ended up having her leg amputated?
I realize I knew deep down how sick she was, She got bronchitis about 6 weeks before she died and she just felt lousy. I guess i was afraid to admit it to her and to myself that she needed to go to the doctor, if I said that out loud that would mean there was something seriously wrong. My mother just didn't get sick, she went to work everyday, she took care of her leg. I don't know how she stood all those hours everyday with her leg the way it was, she was always in such a good mood, people just loved her. and she was in constant pain.
Oh mum I'm so sorry, I couldn't do more for you. I'm just so lonely without her.
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:30am

Something else that helps me is to remember that it is how I deal with the "nows" and the "little whiles" that affects the future.

AcornLeaves
Avatar for dogandcat99
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2000
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:50am

Hey, you just put into perspective how I am feeling about my mom and her not wanting to go to the hospital. I get it now! My mom did not want to die alone with a bunch of people she doesn't even know. She didn't want machines hooked up to her. THAT'S why she insisted on staying home!

Thanks for that insight. I never really thought of it that way and it makes so much more sense.

Don't worry about sounding irrational! You have been through a rough time and are entitled to a bunch of emotions and confusing feelings! FWIW, you don't sound irrational--you sound like you are wrapped up in grief and just so upset--like I feel!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:43am
Not all Barb makes perfect sense. It's nice to know how someone else deals with the little whiles. :)
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:45am
I'm glad I could help you a little.
Were you with your mom when she died? I'm so glad I was.
Thanks for letting me know my feelings are normal.
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:47pm

Angie,
I was reading you post because, I too miss my Ma.
I did not realise that there would be so much in common.
The advoidance of the medical treatment. not admitting what they fear the most will happen because of the advoidance.
I have been sick all weekend. and have been hybernating. I have thought of picking up the phone to whine to her about being sick. She is not there.

I think that has been more of a reality check than anything else lately.

well here is a cyber hug
Hope it helps
Holly

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:56pm
Thanks for the cyber hug Holly, and one for you right back. It seems there is something daily I think I have to tell mum, funny or complaining. Then I remember...
She always knew when something was wrong, even if I didn't say anything she could usually tell what I was thinking and sometimes that would drive me NUTS!!
Even though I am a very private pserson, I always knew I could tell her anything.
I just miss her so much.
Angie
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:18pm

it must be a MOM thing. I never was able to get away with much. As a kid or an adult...

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:56am
lol cny123 it must be. She would say something that would irritate me, I would be raving about her in my head, and somehow she would know.
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 6:40pm

Oh My, the weather has been so NICE. 60 to 75 degrees after having a Nor'easter last weekend..... Of course I was off, and my Dad was visiting my Place 2 hours from home, last weekend. This weekend I am working Night shift, Two 8 and one 12. On top of my asthma I have not been enjoying the weather like it sounds like everyone else in town is.

I had been sound asleep - the type where you drool- and some idiot kept honking the horn instad of going to the door to get who ever they wanted...I had been asleep 3 or 4 hours. I like this apartment. It is cozy and cute. Better than the last 2 in New Hampshire.
But the street noise....I am already wanting to put the AC in for white noise.

This would have been Mom's favorite type of Sunday. Her and Dad would grab doughnuts, Sunday paper and drive to Sylvan Beach to sit on the Barge Canal and watch the sail boats and the other types of boats go in to the lake and float away.

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 6:49pm
It's beautiful here too cny123. After tha Northeaster it is well deserved, my town looked like a disaster area, some people just got their power back here, on Saturday almost a week after the storm.
Mum would have loved today too, she loved the sun.
Tact is for people who aren't smart enough to be sarcastic.

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