My uncle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
My uncle
4
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:30pm

I am feeling so bad for my Mothers Brother. Mom died March 24. Six weeks prior to that Aunt passed after a having a bowel obstruction.
Aunt was a Childhood diabetic who was 57 when she passed.
A life long fighter.
She was Uncle's 3rd wife. they were married for over 30 years. 35 I think.
Mom was Uncles source of comfort. For the last 3 years as Mom was not able to go to Florida to help with thier parents, Mom was the telephone go between Uncle and the parents.
Uncle has a valid issue with not getting along with Grandpa. but He nor Mom can let either one not be taken care of. But the fights...
The Elders are not able to live on thier own, but the fight to get them in a care facility is going to be great and has taken 2 years and the death of Mom and Aunt to get them to even admitt that there is a need.
Uncle has a home in NC and has a mobile house in Florida where the Elders live.
So with fighting the Elders Uncle has to find his way after over 30 years of taking care of a stubborn indipendent diabetic.
He has a Step daughter that has many issues and even before Aunt's death had little to do with her. An older grandson yes.
He also has a daughter from his second marrage. When Aunt was in and out of the hospital and we knew she would not survive Daughter did not come. she came for the funeral and stayed 2 days.
My Older brother who is in Fl. was able to visit the hospital once and came for the funeral.
The rest of us had Mom to take care of and I was in New Hampshire working under contract and could not take time off because I knew that Mom's health was declining.

A week after Aunts funeral Mom enterd the hospital for her last 5 weeks with a stroke.
After a second stroke after admission she was unresponsive or limited responsive for a week. when Mom mind clears she became the person Uncle talked to. To deal with his grief.
When he told her that he could not leave Aunts ashes behind in NC when he went back to Fl
she told him to "get a basket and line it with a soft blankie and make her comfortable"
He told me later that her acceptance of that and her using Blankie instead of blanket made him feel like he is normal.
Mom could always do that.
then Mom died.
When we were making the arrangements for Mom we as in 2 brothers my sister and Dad and I did not know how Uncle made all the arrangemnets alone for Aunt.
the notification of friends, family Aunts, and Uncles. So many that we had never told that Mom was in the hospital because We believed she would go to rehab.
and there were 5 no 6 (sisterin law) of us breaking all the stuff to do in to groups.

Uncle was doing it alone. Because They were from Michagan ,until retirement, lived in NC, and had a home in Florida near the Elders he has gone through 2 memorial services and has one schedualed in Michagan at the end of June.

He is clinging to his faith and belief that he will see the woment in heaven. But he has no one. Dad has My sister and brother who live with and near him I am 2 hours away for now and home on days off. Older Bro calls once a week or more.
Dad has 3 grandsons nearby to keep him busy. one is 14 and his buddy.
Uncle.....is by himself.
We call and I email. but he is alone........

Sorry so long.......

holly

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:58pm

(((((Holly))))), what a complicated situation!

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: cny123
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 9:18pm

Uncle is 2 years older than Mom so 65 or 66.

Uncle is a loner by nature. He is not a social bug as a rule. The opposit of Mom.
He has church activitys, but with the multiple home issues I think he feels even more alone.
I want to get him a cat but I dont know if he will do that.
He needs a big cat that will love all over hime and want to travel in a car like a dog. Walk on a leash. My Old female walks on one but it is where she wants to go.

Uncle said he missed Mom and Dads cats when he left. they loved all over him.

Dad has us kid/grandkids to baby and fuss over. hey I have had my Asthma fuss up and he is driving me nuts. "You have been sick to long" Once you flair up it takes a while for it to go away. It just seems like it is taking for ever because I have not had this bad of a flare up in 3/4 years and he has not seen me wheezing in over 20 years.

Uncle needs someone to fuss over -one that is receptive not resistant.
Cat would work. But He would have to choose. Surprising a pet on someone is not the thing to do.
Any cat people that think of a breed that might work? I was thinking of a Maine Coon, but I am not sure if they are as social as I want for him.

000552k3 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:37am

Wonder if he would be willing to visit the humane society?

AcornLeaves
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: cny123
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 3:24am

I swear the same thing about Ripley, my old lady.
If there is someone new in the apartment building that has not been there before she growles at the door.
When a friend came from California for a confrence in Columbus OH, when I lived in Dayton,
I had to work that pm. so I left the key avalible to her.
Well Marylynn walked in with out me. Rip did not stop growleling at her all week.
My sister called her the beast when she was younger.

Now Ripley and Mickey are a respectible 14 1/2 and 15 years old they are not quite as defensive as they use to be. Probably because they are not hearing as well.

000552k3