Question about loss of spouse

Avatar for gedteacher22
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Question about loss of spouse
3
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 8:28am

My brother in law just died at the age of 46. He leaves behind a wife and four children. My question is what would be a nice idea to do for her? I will send the usual sympathy card, but what else would be nice on an occasion like this? She has meals for the next month, and lots of family support in the area thank goodness. However, I was wondering if there is anything special someone did for you after your loss that really made a difference. For example: a gift, family photos she hasn't seen of loved one, etc.. Also, what if anything was not appreciated that just made the pain worse.

TIA for your help, Deb

Debbie
Avatar for klmuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 10:54am

Sorry for the loss of your brother-in-law Deb. What a thoughtful person you are...
of course just being there for the wife, asking if there's anything at all you can do to help out is most important & appreciated.

I'll tell you one thing I received from a very thoughtful friend -- different from all the usual sympathy cards, food, etc -- that was a pleasant surprise. I came home one day to package on my doorstep...it was a gift of a very beautiful box, inside was a assortment of many things to pamper myself. Beautiful soaps, lotions, crocheted washcloths.

Not only did I stop & think of how thoughtful this friend was that she went out & bought these lovely things for me, it made me think about the fact that I needed to take care of myself...something we tend not to do after the loss of a spouse. I can't tell you how meaningful that gift was.

My niece also sent me some pictures she had taken months before my dh had died, i had never seen them. Of course, whenI first looked at them I cried, but I was very happy to receive them.

Just allow her to grieve in her own way, be there for her and I don't think anything you do can be wrong if it's truly coming from your heart.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:24pm
I like Karen's ideas. Also make plans to take the kids some place...a zoo, movies, park, to give her some down time. It is hard doing what 2 used to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:17pm
Sorry about your brother-in-law.