Miriam...I tried my very best BUT

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Miriam...I tried my very best BUT
5
Sun, 05-27-2007 - 9:55am

Miriam,

My co-worker crush B called me last night and informed me that we had gotten too close. We talked it over for about 2 hours and mutually agreed that we would end our friendship. He said that we had gotten too close and he is choosing to be alone without having anyone in his life that he has to answer to. He said that I am the only one he has let in and with his "demons" he just can't do it anymore. He also insisted he didn't want to be this way BUT it was his choice. It all made no sense so 1/2 way through the conversation I felt I had nothing to lose so I went for it. Then I asked him the magic question..."So does this mean that you like me just a little?" He chuckled and said...."Yes it means I like you alot". It didn't mean anything because we had already decided to end the friendship BUT I did tell him that the hardest part of agreeing to this was as his friend letting him get away with making this choice..being alone. Who knows what he might do.

Miriam I just wanted to let you know because I know that for you it ended up differently but I tried. I think it's the best because it was so difficult for me sometimes. It's a small consolation that the big ole gruff man cares about me and he is pushing me away. Kind of sad at the same time. *wink wink* What a waste................

Kiki

p.s. So let's add this all up now...lost my best friend on Tuesday...the man I care about last night AND tomorrow is the 13th anniversary of my Father's death. I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 9:18am

The man has changed his mind....oy vey. Not sure what I am going to do because this is just far too much wishy washy for a 54 year old man. Who knows how wishy washy he will remain if we get together and that scares me. He is waiting for my decision and I just don't know what I want to do.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 9:48am

Kiki, sweetheart,

This statement that he made that he insists he doesn't want to be that way, but it was his choice, does not make sense at all to me. He is contriticting himself. If he really didn't want to be that way, he would of choice to change, but he ovbviously likes the way he is and wishes to remain that way.

The only thing that I can suggest to you, sweetie, is to close the door behind you, and open the door in front of you. You deserve better in a relationship, and you have the choice to have a good life with or with out a man. You have the power to choice not to except what life has thrown you, relationships etc.

I believe that everthing in life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, coincidences, events are blessings given to us to learn from it. So my friend, learn from this relationship and move on. You are a great person who deserves the very best in life. Don't settle for just anyone, or anything.

As for your dad's 13th anniversary, I know exactly where you are coming from, as I have had my mom's and dad's anniversaries and it was not easy. My dad has been gone for 27 years and mom 2 years. What I have done on these days, was I sat down and wrote them a letter, which was very theraputic and comforting. Perhaps you can sit down with a nice cup of tea or coffee and put some very soft relaxing music and just write to him what you feel in your heart and the things you would of liked to say to him if he was still here and perhaps write to him what you would like him to know. It was very helpful to me.

My thought are with you,
Love Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:19am

I agree....I think my main concern is for my emotional well being. With the best friend still not speaking to me I am lost and afraid that I will make all the wrong choices in every aspect of my life so I didn't say anything back to B about his wishy washiness. I don't trust my instinct right now and I know that I deserve so much better than for him to keep changing his mind back and forth. It isn't so much that I am so blindly in love with him it's just I think we make great friends and can we be just that? I won't settle never have and never will which is why I am still single at 47. I am good with being alone (most of the time) and I know there is a man out there for me. I have a ton of work to do on myself and need to focus on that.

You expressed yourself brilliantly as far as the past and the future for me. I just need to accept the fact that my life has changed with the exit of my best friend and have to find out who I am without him. His loss for sure........

Thanks Miriam!!

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 6:59pm

Kiki,

I am so happy that I can be of some help to you and you are so very welcome aswell.I think that working on yourself first is a great idea, and once you have done that you may find yourself more confidant in yourself to make some decissions. Meanwhile continue being the independant woman that you are and just work on moving forward. You will get there and I know that you will be ok.

You want to find out who you are without him????.........well you are that independant women, who is strong, capable of living and doing things on your own, you are a woman who is compassionate,loving, caring, understanding, a woman that any one would want to spend time and the rest of their lives with. One day, when the time is right, you will meet that man who is deserving of you, and who you are deserving for him. take one day at a time, work on yourself, be proud of the person you are.

Take care and my thoughts are always with you,

Miriam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 7:03pm

Sorry, Kiki , but to me he is playing games with you and do not fall into this trap. He sounds like a man who is going to make your life miserable. Sorry, for that harsh statement, but......that is how I am reading this. He is 54 years old and he is like a yoyo. This is not what you want for your life. You want much better than this. You want a stable life with a man who knows what he wants. This man does not know what he wants or he does and he is just fooling around with you emotionally.

think it over very carefully.

Miriam

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